I pretty much love everything you have to say, but this one ... I've cut/pasted a dozen quotes into my journal, already. Mostly, because you validate my surmises as well as push me to face even more of the beautiful mundaneness of reality - and also remind me why I love NYC no matter how unhealthy it is for my immune system. But I'll never be able to love "them" enough to be in the same state, even. Some families are just too ... hateful and cruel. Yet despite the distance in both miles and decades ... I still want to heal them. It's not my job. Even if it became my career.
Something I felt was addressed a little sidelong in the letter but might be worth teasing out further: it sounds like LW’s parents have been providing some meaningful financial support to her during her adulthood. No shame in that, on its own - but it can be a powerful tool in maintaining enmeshment. LW’s mom wants to have a say in where her very-much-an-adult daughter lives, if she (mom) is making a substantial contribution to that choice. I think it will be easier for LW to have a cleaner boundary if she can find a way (and god knows this is incredibly difficult) to move back to NYC without any financial assistance. If she’s paying her own way, then it becomes easier (not easy, but easier) to make that decision without having to convince her parents it’s a good choice.
LW's mom probably needs the LW to tell her, explicitly in explicit words, that she wants to stay in touch/whatever even after she moves. Even though the LW knows how she feels about her mom, and it might seem like it should be obvious, mom probably needs some extra clear communication around that love right now.
This response and this LW are both so beautiful. Thank you Polly.
"Doing small, difficult things is what makes it possible to do big, difficult things, to take on challenges that are worthy of you. You are someone who loves difficult challenges. Lean the fuck into that and own it."
This is a real sizzler, Polly. DTMOBATM reminds me of Lawrence Durrell at the end of "Justine": ". . . Soon it will be evening and the clear night sky will be dusted tickly with summer stars I should be here as always smoking by the water I have decided not to leave clears last letter on answered I no longer wish to cause anyone to make promises to think of life in terms of compacts resolutions covenants it will be up to clear to interpret my silence according to her own needs and desires to come to me if she has need or not as the case may be does not everything depend on our interpretation of the Silence around us so that . . .."
Stop thinking and run like hell. Think about really interesting stuff like the Talking Heads moving from Rhode Island to a suffocating apt in the Village, sit down under the bridge by the river and listen to Dexter Gordon play ballads. The world is so staggering, and you are letting it slip right on by dwelling of mental static. Take a cold shower and wake the fuck up to how amazing life is, right there. For you. Right now.
Oof this one hit so hard today re: navigating ever-evolving family relationships, with all of the intense emotions and unclear scripts that those entail. Thank you <3
I pretty much love everything you have to say, but this one ... I've cut/pasted a dozen quotes into my journal, already. Mostly, because you validate my surmises as well as push me to face even more of the beautiful mundaneness of reality - and also remind me why I love NYC no matter how unhealthy it is for my immune system. But I'll never be able to love "them" enough to be in the same state, even. Some families are just too ... hateful and cruel. Yet despite the distance in both miles and decades ... I still want to heal them. It's not my job. Even if it became my career.
Something I felt was addressed a little sidelong in the letter but might be worth teasing out further: it sounds like LW’s parents have been providing some meaningful financial support to her during her adulthood. No shame in that, on its own - but it can be a powerful tool in maintaining enmeshment. LW’s mom wants to have a say in where her very-much-an-adult daughter lives, if she (mom) is making a substantial contribution to that choice. I think it will be easier for LW to have a cleaner boundary if she can find a way (and god knows this is incredibly difficult) to move back to NYC without any financial assistance. If she’s paying her own way, then it becomes easier (not easy, but easier) to make that decision without having to convince her parents it’s a good choice.
LW's mom probably needs the LW to tell her, explicitly in explicit words, that she wants to stay in touch/whatever even after she moves. Even though the LW knows how she feels about her mom, and it might seem like it should be obvious, mom probably needs some extra clear communication around that love right now.
This response and this LW are both so beautiful. Thank you Polly.
"Doing small, difficult things is what makes it possible to do big, difficult things, to take on challenges that are worthy of you. You are someone who loves difficult challenges. Lean the fuck into that and own it."
AMEN
This is a real sizzler, Polly. DTMOBATM reminds me of Lawrence Durrell at the end of "Justine": ". . . Soon it will be evening and the clear night sky will be dusted tickly with summer stars I should be here as always smoking by the water I have decided not to leave clears last letter on answered I no longer wish to cause anyone to make promises to think of life in terms of compacts resolutions covenants it will be up to clear to interpret my silence according to her own needs and desires to come to me if she has need or not as the case may be does not everything depend on our interpretation of the Silence around us so that . . .."
Stop thinking and run like hell. Think about really interesting stuff like the Talking Heads moving from Rhode Island to a suffocating apt in the Village, sit down under the bridge by the river and listen to Dexter Gordon play ballads. The world is so staggering, and you are letting it slip right on by dwelling of mental static. Take a cold shower and wake the fuck up to how amazing life is, right there. For you. Right now.
Oof this one hit so hard today re: navigating ever-evolving family relationships, with all of the intense emotions and unclear scripts that those entail. Thank you <3