Going after the life you want is a humiliation ritual and we just need to get really clear on that. Embarrassment is the cost of entry for who you want to become. -Maz (here on Substack)
“Going after the life you want is a humiliation ritual” woof, yes, that’s powerful and true. Thank you HH for this beautiful and brave piece. It really spoke to me.
just what I needed today. I'm the queen of ambivalence and half-assing it, because on the inside I always feel like I'm too earnest and care too much and it's too weird for everyone else on the planet. And growing up being told to never shine, never outshine, never get too big for my britches (heard that about 1000 times). It's a lot to overcome, it's very internalized. Thank you for this.
You like something. So you invest in it. Investment brings pleasure. Pleasure drives more investment. Investment keeps increasing. Expectations rise with it.
But reality may not keep pace. A gap begins to appear. You still love the activity. So you keep investing. You believe it can improve. Expectations become stronger.
The gap may keep growing. Negative feedback accumulates. Strategy then begins to change. Expectations are lowered. Caring is played down.
“I’m just messing around.” That sentence starts to appear. Distance is created on purpose. It does not protect the love. It protects against disappointment.
The love is still there. The investment also remains. What changes is expectation. Lower expectations reduce the gap. Negative feedback weakens too.
Then something else becomes possible. You can keep investing. But without demanding an outcome. And from that position, good results may appear again.
Oh Lordy this is exactly how I feel about playing Ukuele. I joined a group about 3 years ago and this has been my experience too.
I’d volunteered myself to help coordinate communications—so unlike me!—and I’ve had to look at my CONTROL and EXPECTATIONS over and over. Our group plays at events for the Neighbourhood Recreation Centre and Wow it’s a fantastic experience to practice vulnerability, passionate exuberance and being present. I have to say that being present has been the best thing to get me out of my own head. That and letting people be well, human. Thanks Heather!
Going after the life you want is a humiliation ritual and we just need to get really clear on that. Embarrassment is the cost of entry for who you want to become. -Maz (here on Substack)
The squirrel is delightful!
“Going after the life you want is a humiliation ritual” woof, yes, that’s powerful and true. Thank you HH for this beautiful and brave piece. It really spoke to me.
just what I needed today. I'm the queen of ambivalence and half-assing it, because on the inside I always feel like I'm too earnest and care too much and it's too weird for everyone else on the planet. And growing up being told to never shine, never outshine, never get too big for my britches (heard that about 1000 times). It's a lot to overcome, it's very internalized. Thank you for this.
Thanks for this piece. The clarity is blinding. Saving and sharing with similarly afflicted.
You like something. So you invest in it. Investment brings pleasure. Pleasure drives more investment. Investment keeps increasing. Expectations rise with it.
But reality may not keep pace. A gap begins to appear. You still love the activity. So you keep investing. You believe it can improve. Expectations become stronger.
The gap may keep growing. Negative feedback accumulates. Strategy then begins to change. Expectations are lowered. Caring is played down.
“I’m just messing around.” That sentence starts to appear. Distance is created on purpose. It does not protect the love. It protects against disappointment.
The love is still there. The investment also remains. What changes is expectation. Lower expectations reduce the gap. Negative feedback weakens too.
Then something else becomes possible. You can keep investing. But without demanding an outcome. And from that position, good results may appear again.
Oh Lordy this is exactly how I feel about playing Ukuele. I joined a group about 3 years ago and this has been my experience too.
I’d volunteered myself to help coordinate communications—so unlike me!—and I’ve had to look at my CONTROL and EXPECTATIONS over and over. Our group plays at events for the Neighbourhood Recreation Centre and Wow it’s a fantastic experience to practice vulnerability, passionate exuberance and being present. I have to say that being present has been the best thing to get me out of my own head. That and letting people be well, human. Thanks Heather!
Wow, this was such a beautiful read. Thank you!