Polly, my inner lawyer has definitely overstayed her welcome, specializing in guilt and worst-case scenarios. She’s exhausting but insists she’s “helping.”
This essay made me realize it’s time for her to retire plus her briefs are outdated. I might even throw her a farewell party with cake and a restraining order.
Thanks for the gentle nudge and reminding me that I don’t need to cross-examine myself to find peace.
“Your insistence on FIXING THINGS using your brain and your argumentation and your unmatched naming-and-blaming services is what makes YOU difficult.” Hi, I’m the problem, it’s me!
A co-worker recently told me about a frustrating conversation he’d had with an employee, and after listening to his story I said, “Oh. You were litigating the facts when all she needed was for you to acknowledge her feelings.” It was a lightbulb moment for me because I always be litigating the facts! I fucking love to litigate. But I also consider myself someone who loves to acknowledge and discuss and dissect feelings. I think my journey is in learning when to use which skill (and then re-learning, and then learning some more in a new context, and then learning again forever and ever amen). Grateful to feel loved despite what makes me difficult.
I am back here re-reading (this is one of those Ask Polly letters that I will treat like scripture I can see) and I'm like, ok but I DO want "a super-sexy superhero soulmate"! LMAO
Oh goodness. Yes, I hear this and have felt this, and have come back from this, and have re-engaged with this type of thinking so many times. It's the road less travelled, but the one that leads to more treasures than you'd imagined.
Yesterday I really thought I had a Ask Polly dilemma and then I had therapy and landed more or less where this essay lands. I'm not the lawyer or the fixer, I'm just a messy person that is very scared of messy persons, and the lawyer-fixer (my inner asshole) is me being scared. Still processing but this essay hit the spot!
You are right. There are a lot of good people who are “difficult” at the moment. The why is not important. The advice “Tell me more about what you need” is exactly what I need to say to shift the narrative. Thank you.
Heather, it’s like you read by mind or entered my life. I think I was silently punishing a close friend by rationalising in my own head about them rights and wrongs that have happened in the past. And as you said - I’m that person - who tags everyone from their own lens of righteousness and what not.
I needed this a lot and will come back to this to make peace with my feelings and move forward.
Thank you. I need this today. I love my dummy man, and I'm a dummy, too.
Polly, my inner lawyer has definitely overstayed her welcome, specializing in guilt and worst-case scenarios. She’s exhausting but insists she’s “helping.”
This essay made me realize it’s time for her to retire plus her briefs are outdated. I might even throw her a farewell party with cake and a restraining order.
Thanks for the gentle nudge and reminding me that I don’t need to cross-examine myself to find peace.
“Your insistence on FIXING THINGS using your brain and your argumentation and your unmatched naming-and-blaming services is what makes YOU difficult.” Hi, I’m the problem, it’s me!
A co-worker recently told me about a frustrating conversation he’d had with an employee, and after listening to his story I said, “Oh. You were litigating the facts when all she needed was for you to acknowledge her feelings.” It was a lightbulb moment for me because I always be litigating the facts! I fucking love to litigate. But I also consider myself someone who loves to acknowledge and discuss and dissect feelings. I think my journey is in learning when to use which skill (and then re-learning, and then learning some more in a new context, and then learning again forever and ever amen). Grateful to feel loved despite what makes me difficult.
Ouch!!! That was the best advice I have ever received. You dialed in on my exact most obnoxious flaw. :-[]
Wish you weren’t always so damn Right all the time. 💙
Wow. I cannot believe you put this out there today, of all days. I really needed this incredible advice. Thank you.
I am back here re-reading (this is one of those Ask Polly letters that I will treat like scripture I can see) and I'm like, ok but I DO want "a super-sexy superhero soulmate"! LMAO
As a lawyer, god I’m fucking trying.
The accuracy is insane!!! Amazing, thank you <3
Oh goodness. Yes, I hear this and have felt this, and have come back from this, and have re-engaged with this type of thinking so many times. It's the road less travelled, but the one that leads to more treasures than you'd imagined.
This felt like a slap and a hug😭 needed that
Yesterday I really thought I had a Ask Polly dilemma and then I had therapy and landed more or less where this essay lands. I'm not the lawyer or the fixer, I'm just a messy person that is very scared of messy persons, and the lawyer-fixer (my inner asshole) is me being scared. Still processing but this essay hit the spot!
You are right. There are a lot of good people who are “difficult” at the moment. The why is not important. The advice “Tell me more about what you need” is exactly what I need to say to shift the narrative. Thank you.
Heather, it’s like you read by mind or entered my life. I think I was silently punishing a close friend by rationalising in my own head about them rights and wrongs that have happened in the past. And as you said - I’m that person - who tags everyone from their own lens of righteousness and what not.
I needed this a lot and will come back to this to make peace with my feelings and move forward.
Reading this is the sole reason why I believe AI can never replace humans.
Thank you for these genuinely, helpful words.