I graduated from grad school in 2018, am 34 years old, have had chronic onset of multiple disabilities, experienced abuse, escaped and healed from the abuse, been fired, forced to resign, and am chronically unemployed now. The dark tunnel of 3 years without full time work has been thee WORST, and I’m still here. Polly is correct: life will clothesline you repeatedly and you still MUST be kind to yourself. You MUST have loved ones who pour into you and tell you that you are loved. You MUST find a therapist when your heart needs professional mending. You will NOT take on the shame or projections of others and you will let inner or outer expectations go. I thought I’d be stable by now and it’s almost better that I’m not there yet. The course to taking the best care of myself came after several burnouts and breakdowns. You are NOT your thoughts or emotions, those are fleeting. Keep a copy of The Alchemist on your shelf. This is hopefully a loving offering to myself and any recent grads who feel like ‘Well, shit. Now what?’ This is a love letter to you as much as it is a reminder for me. Sending joy and love. Xoxo!
Hi Heather — recent 2025 grad. I came from another post you were a part of for 2025 graduates. I cried reading this post. You write from the heart in a way that deeply resonates. I’m currently following what my intuition is saying, and it’s guiding me towards sharing my voice online. I’m excited to see where this path will take me. And I’m excited to share my voice. Thank you for sharing advice to all of us 2025 graduates.
i’ve been making videos about the post-grad struggle too — just started posting transcript-style versions for anyone who prefers reading. would love for you to check it out :)
Heather, thank you sincerely for this. I recently graduated only last year and i've been struck by feelings of hopelessness and fear about my future - like everybody else - compounded by the fact that soon, i'm moving out and away from my abusive home.
having to rely on myself financially is terrifying, especially when i'm unsure if i even want to stay in the design industry and my university applications got rejected. i can't help but feel petrified and like im going to suffer and only suffer or take a big tumble with no way out. this post came to me at the right time, i think. it's giving me just that small push to try and see outside of my own lens and approach things with a different pair of eyes, maybe things aren't as bad as my fears make them out to be. it's scary and hard to think about the future even being good but this letter makes me feel like it's worth trying to look forward to things. thank you.
i’ve been making videos about the post-grad struggle too — just started posting transcript-style versions for anyone who prefers reading. would love for you to check it out :)
really could've used this as a 21 year old, but I eventually learned some of these lessons on my own! Trusting myself has been the surest way towards my own happiness and "success," even if what I choose seems to be counter to the prevailing wisdom about stability and happiness. great advice
I felt every word of this. Thank you again Heather for your brilliant insights. I feel like every single day I am on Substack a new layer is peeled off me and I am both humbled and invigorated by all the amazing writers here.
Polly, this made me tear up. I’m sitting on the bus home, stuck in traffic, in my first week at a proper Big Girl job. I’m quickly learning that I work under an exacting boss in an environment that is a stickler for etiquette and propriety, and this article feels like it was meant for me to read tonight. Thank you very much for sharing it with us xx
This is making me really miss my small dog--a Jack Russell who was super kind and friendly and loving AND supremely confident in his opinions. I learned more from that dog than any one person, ever. He just didn't know how to not be confident and full of life! I swear, even when he was resting, he was resting vigorously.
loved this — it really captures so much of what i’ve been feeling and exploring in my recent videos. i’ve been digging into the post-grad weirdness: the confusion, the loneliness, the pressure to figure it all out fast. it’s messy, but there’s something kind of beautiful about naming it out loud and realizing how many of us are in the same place.
i also just started uploading transcript-style versions of my videos too — wanted to create something that feels like a space for other early 20s post grads who are just trying to make sense of it all. always appreciate writing like this that meets people where they are
You are the system... Brainwashed to believe you achieved something but you are a product of the System.
You follow the rules you have a great career but all you know is all you been told... and all you been told is a lie... by your parents who don't know better... by your Religion that is purposefully a lie and by your country who needs people like you to succeeded as Propaganda for a system that is broken and needs brainwashed fools to keep it up and running.
"Every time this broken world destroys your sense of yourself, remember that this is how you find your true path, your deepest desires, your strongest convictions, your most enduring connections to beauty and love and happiness: You expose yourself to the world as it is. You embrace your new role as the boss." ❤️
I graduated from grad school in 2018, am 34 years old, have had chronic onset of multiple disabilities, experienced abuse, escaped and healed from the abuse, been fired, forced to resign, and am chronically unemployed now. The dark tunnel of 3 years without full time work has been thee WORST, and I’m still here. Polly is correct: life will clothesline you repeatedly and you still MUST be kind to yourself. You MUST have loved ones who pour into you and tell you that you are loved. You MUST find a therapist when your heart needs professional mending. You will NOT take on the shame or projections of others and you will let inner or outer expectations go. I thought I’d be stable by now and it’s almost better that I’m not there yet. The course to taking the best care of myself came after several burnouts and breakdowns. You are NOT your thoughts or emotions, those are fleeting. Keep a copy of The Alchemist on your shelf. This is hopefully a loving offering to myself and any recent grads who feel like ‘Well, shit. Now what?’ This is a love letter to you as much as it is a reminder for me. Sending joy and love. Xoxo!
Hi Heather — recent 2025 grad. I came from another post you were a part of for 2025 graduates. I cried reading this post. You write from the heart in a way that deeply resonates. I’m currently following what my intuition is saying, and it’s guiding me towards sharing my voice online. I’m excited to see where this path will take me. And I’m excited to share my voice. Thank you for sharing advice to all of us 2025 graduates.
i’ve been making videos about the post-grad struggle too — just started posting transcript-style versions for anyone who prefers reading. would love for you to check it out :)
Heather, thank you sincerely for this. I recently graduated only last year and i've been struck by feelings of hopelessness and fear about my future - like everybody else - compounded by the fact that soon, i'm moving out and away from my abusive home.
having to rely on myself financially is terrifying, especially when i'm unsure if i even want to stay in the design industry and my university applications got rejected. i can't help but feel petrified and like im going to suffer and only suffer or take a big tumble with no way out. this post came to me at the right time, i think. it's giving me just that small push to try and see outside of my own lens and approach things with a different pair of eyes, maybe things aren't as bad as my fears make them out to be. it's scary and hard to think about the future even being good but this letter makes me feel like it's worth trying to look forward to things. thank you.
i’ve been making videos about the post-grad struggle too — just started posting transcript-style versions for anyone who prefers reading. would love for you to check it out :)
really could've used this as a 21 year old, but I eventually learned some of these lessons on my own! Trusting myself has been the surest way towards my own happiness and "success," even if what I choose seems to be counter to the prevailing wisdom about stability and happiness. great advice
I felt every word of this. Thank you again Heather for your brilliant insights. I feel like every single day I am on Substack a new layer is peeled off me and I am both humbled and invigorated by all the amazing writers here.
Polly, this made me tear up. I’m sitting on the bus home, stuck in traffic, in my first week at a proper Big Girl job. I’m quickly learning that I work under an exacting boss in an environment that is a stickler for etiquette and propriety, and this article feels like it was meant for me to read tonight. Thank you very much for sharing it with us xx
This is making me really miss my small dog--a Jack Russell who was super kind and friendly and loving AND supremely confident in his opinions. I learned more from that dog than any one person, ever. He just didn't know how to not be confident and full of life! I swear, even when he was resting, he was resting vigorously.
I honestly wish someone would have told me all of this after graduation. Perhaps it might have helped me not feel so lost. 🩵
I love this advice for everyone 😌
loved this — it really captures so much of what i’ve been feeling and exploring in my recent videos. i’ve been digging into the post-grad weirdness: the confusion, the loneliness, the pressure to figure it all out fast. it’s messy, but there’s something kind of beautiful about naming it out loud and realizing how many of us are in the same place.
i also just started uploading transcript-style versions of my videos too — wanted to create something that feels like a space for other early 20s post grads who are just trying to make sense of it all. always appreciate writing like this that meets people where they are
Brilliant essay, not just for graduates but for anyone who is stumbling through this fragile yet beautiful life. Thank you for your insights :)
I have a message for Graduates too.
You are the system... Brainwashed to believe you achieved something but you are a product of the System.
You follow the rules you have a great career but all you know is all you been told... and all you been told is a lie... by your parents who don't know better... by your Religion that is purposefully a lie and by your country who needs people like you to succeeded as Propaganda for a system that is broken and needs brainwashed fools to keep it up and running.
You are the Matrix.
https://fritzfreud.substack.com/p/the-bosnian-pyramid-stargate-and
P.S.
You never learn about lif until you are down and out.
"Every time this broken world destroys your sense of yourself, remember that this is how you find your true path, your deepest desires, your strongest convictions, your most enduring connections to beauty and love and happiness: You expose yourself to the world as it is. You embrace your new role as the boss." ❤️