Who else is starting to lose it? After a full month of watching coronavirus news closely and waiting for the shit to hit the fan, the full force of this calamity has finally arrived in the U.S. Of course we knew Trump would fuck it up. But is there anything worse than watching the bungling get worse by the day? And listening to people say it’s no big deal? I started this thread because I need this thread. Help me out, people. Give me whatever you’ve got: Feelings, news, terrifying anecdotes, complaints, cartoon squiggles, escapist pleasures, paranoia, rage, tasty snacks.
Also wanted to add a link to this great piece by Charlie Warzel in the New York Times. “The authority void needs to be filled by experts and leaders large and small. If you’re in a position to step up, do it now. By the time action seems obvious, it might be too late to make a difference.”
I'll just start by saying the uneven response, the inconsistent behavior -- locally, nationally, internationally -- and the fact that we've know this was coming for so goddamn long, is driving me nuts. The fact that you can't even prepare without people telling you Covid-19 is just like the flu? Duuuude. Prepare to watch 18% of the older people around you die. That's the percentage in Italy. This is not the flu. It's just unspeakable how confused people are. The situation is custom-designed to frustrate and upset me. It triggers ALL OF THE THINGS.
I should also warn everyone that once you post you'll keep getting emails with other people's posts. The second you get one, click "mute this thread" if you don't want to get more. Important! (I'd like for Substack to change that as the default setting for threads.)
I know. I have nowhere to direct my high-level analysis and anger. I’m someone with immune system issues and lung disease. Why haven’t people been preparing? Getting the testing going? I want to shout. We’ve been watching this unfold since January. I’m in Seattle and the county just now bought a hotel in a suburb that can take 40 people. 40 people! And it’s already being challenged by the NIMBY suburb that somehow thinks it will otherwise be immune. Though bungling does seem the American way. Why do Americans think we are invincible? Or too good to get what the rest of the world is getting? What do I do with this feeling of rage (fear) and powerlessness?
The weirdest thing for me is that I've gotten pretty on top of protecting myself, disinfecting, washing hands, etc. but then on Saturday I went to a small event at the library where people were milling about AND EATING FROM A COMMUNAL VEGGIE DIP PLATTER like nothing was wrong! Some people seem to be letting any sense of precaution pass them by. And we live only a few towns away from an area with a large outbreak. Surreal.
For exemple here I find 14,8% death rate for people over 80 but those numbers are for China, not Italy https://www.bbc.com/news/health-51674743 but at that age no disease is to take lightly
I might be lucky. Since 2013 I have been recovering from a serious accident. Six of those years were having major bones surgeries. Most of that time was in isolation, in a lot of pain. I get feeling scared about your health and feeling scared about money, what will happen next, the outside world. I am on the other side of it. It is going to be okay. After my last series of accidents I bought myself a really nice violin, something I always wanted, and started playing again. This time, a really nice mandolin. I learned how to sew. I grew an amazing vegetable garden where bunnies and hawks and hummingbirds come to visit. I testify about health care and disability rights at my state capitol, and that government is working fine. If you are going to be dealing with an apocalypse, isolated from society, focus on the things you can control and make something good. You are going to be a better person, find good people, do good things, and make the world better. It will be okay.
I’ve also filled my life with joy through creating, growing and nurturing. In my more frightened moments I ask myself “what are you running from that you feel the need to make and grow and love?” But I think (and hope) that creating is actually helping me process all the fears and uncertainties by channeling it all into something tangible I can control and engage with. I’m recovering from significant health issues and the future is terrifying but my garden is going to be abundant this year.
I'll tell you who I'm tired of. All the dudes in my life acting like 1950's man's men all puffing out like it's an exaggeration, "more people die from the flu, this too shall pass" bullshit. While women are planning. I'm sick of being considered an alarmist. I was made for this. Plan for the worst, hope for the best. My spouse keeps forgetting to wash his hands like it's nothing. I seriously told him if he keeps being so flippant, if he gets sick, I'm leaving him behind when the Apocolypse comes.
I heard that. Luckily I've had 16 years to work on my husband and turn him into a neurotic like myself. So he's washing his hands just as much as me. Less worried, but he was the one who wrote the school a long letter asking why in the world they'd hold an open house tomorrow night for 3k people when the recommendations in CA are all about social distancing. I think it's legitimate to say: Look, just do what I'm doing or else you're disrespecting my need for some sense of control over this nightmare and also you should stay somewhere else maybe until you can respect me and my fears, even if you don't share them.
The idea that basically everything we wear is contaminated is starting to freak me out. What are you guys doing to keep clean (aside from washing hands) without going totally insane with germophobia? I can't wash everything daily - I live in Queens and the closest laundromat is down the street. Do I just... not re-wear things like jeans? Steam them? Panic forever while trying to tell myself my apartment is a "safe place" but really all the germs are here and they're going to live forever on my surfaces and infect me and everyone I love?
Fun sidenote is that I heard that management at my large media company had a meeting where they mentioned "an individual" had been tweeting about "rallying people to work from home" -- this was definitely me, when I spoke to numerous people in the office yesterday airing my grievances (that are very real and serious and backed by science!!!). Hours later, our policy is officially that you *can* WFH until 3/20 if you usually commute via subway - extremely lame and neutered response, but at least people will do it. I can't believe I'm basically on HR's shit list for taking my grievances to Twitter, but when I die, bury me with the tweets that said I was fucking RIGHT, thank you.
From what I know from a medical source the virus lives for max. of 12 h on surfaces like clothes or metal (like the laptop). On your hands it is supposed to stay alive for just 10 minutes. Still, a lot can happen in 10 minutes so hand washing is essential! The virus is also supposed to be sensitive to heat and sunlight, so if you can't wash your clothes hanging them out in the sun should be enough. This is just the information that I have and you should check other sources, but I wanted to share it because it cleared the picture for me a bit.
I work at a large venue (very close to NYC) and the leadership refuses to cancel performances unless the state prevents public assembly WHICH IS INSANE. We have South Korean and Iranian performers canceling because we won't. The more data and response studies I consume, the more manageable it actually feels...what scares me is how data illiterate people in power are proving themselves to be.
I'm also frustrated by the kneejerk reaction against quarantine. Quarantine =/= air is poison!!! Quarantine is the answer because it would stagger the influx of cases and account for incubation and testing lag. It's a method of helping an already overtaxed system (of people and SUPPLIES) succeed at its job. It's very simple.
Oh my god, can I just copy and paste all of this into Twitter? ALL OF THIS. Quarantine is not "i'm so very afraid." Quarantine = "Hospitals will be overwhelmed soon, I'd like to HELP SLOW THAT DOWN." Also the data illiteracy. It's maddening.
Just threw it up on Twitter. Thank for you for this. I have felt so frustrated and my kids are like WHEW MAYBE READ LESS. But when you can see things getting bungled, ugh, and everyone around you is like I LOVE THIS CLOWN SHOW I TRUST THESE CLOWNS IT'LL BE FINE LOL.
I don't think reading less is the answer!! We need the information, just not the panic it's couched in. I have a lot of hope watching the rate of confirmed cases in South Korea flatline since they've taken containment measures. It's a manageable problem but it will require freedom-loving Americans tolerating a quarantine and SOONER RATHER THAN LATER to ensure our poor healthcare system can keep up.
My mom is a nurse at a horribly managed home (not yet affected by the virus) and she, a single nurse, has 45 patients she's responsible at any given moment. We need to help healthcare in any way possible, including getting out of the way.
Does the venue's insurance perhaps have a caveat that it can kick in when the WHO declares a pandemic? A conference I had been planning to go to just cancelled now for this reason.
I'm not in producing but I think it depends on the nature of our many artist contracts. Some artists are choosing to cancel or postpone entire tours and others aren't. I think the venue's position is "if we can hold out the longest we'll save the most money" which I resent.
My wedding is in 6 (5?) weeks. If this process wasn't stressful enough, we're now dealing with the heartwrenching reality that none of our grandparents/any close family friend over 65 is likely to make it. I feel extremely alone, sad, and stupid for mentioning to anyone about how the pandemic is affecting my wedding and the amount of money we might lose if we cancel. We've been looking forward to this for so long, and now it's clouded over by this.
[In all seriousness, we may easily be losing thousands of dollars if we have to postpone or cancel. The wedding industry is one giant unregulated bitch.]
I am so sorry about this. If it helps at all my wedding felt like a big waste of money, too, even though everyone was there? I mean it was good to get married to my husband. But the mediocre food alone - why? I know that's not that helpful, but... doesn't anyone else here feel that way about their wedding? So much waste built into it. The thing that sucks so hard for you right now is the STRESS of managing not only the specter of that huge cost, but also the actual DECISIONS around it. God I feel for you. It sucks to be dealing with it at a time when everyone is under stress so no one is listening that well, too.
Also I had a friend who got married right after 9-11 and 2/3 of the guests bailed. I actually got to go to the wedding because there were so many extra slots, and we had a great time and became lifelong friends after that when we were only acquaintances/ becoming friends before. So: possible bright side? But shit, still impossibly terrible. I'm sorrrry!!!!
This IS helpful because it DOES feel like a huge waste of money!! I really just wanted everyone I love to be together and happy in one giant room, and now those who do come are likely to just feel obligated to be there. The overall cost has given me night sweats for months, and the possibility of losing our deposits has sent me over the edge.
(We are slowly, steadily trying to coordinate with our venue for a possible postponement date. But in case anyone is interested to know this tiny detail, wedding insurance companies [mine included] have declared that they won't cover any accrued costs due to coronavirus. See my above comment about how little regulation there is in this godforsaken industry.)
All in all, I think the saddest part is that this was going to be a giant party with our nearest, dearest, youngest and eldest, and now we're not sure if/when it's going to happen. Hopefully going into quarantine will help me calm down?
My friend had insurance and there was political upheaval in the town she was getting married, like rioting, totally fucked, and the company said it wasn't covered. It's just... so messed up. Like here, pay for peace of mind, and then, when things go wrong? We'll add insult to injury by torturing you!
I used to work in travel insurance and our mandate was to LOOK for coverage, but sometimes it's just not in the policy language. So after 9/11 of course everyone freaked out and cancelled all their flights, but we don't cover for you freaking out, we cover for an actual event. So obviously your flight was cancelled on 9/11/01 because it was grounded, we paid whatever the airline didn't. But if you cancelled because you are afraid, sorry! It SUCKED and we claims people got our asses chewed into dust for months afterward. Riots and terror language was added afterward but like wedding insurance DGAF! Just know they aren't denying you to torture you. The best work day is just paying everything because you can.
I'm getting married too. In July. We're just about to sign a contract on a venue and then this whole thing happened. So now...do we still sign? Do we wait? Will it be over by then? There's so much unknown. We're trying to find out if the venue has any sort of "act of god" clause. So far they've offered to hold our spot for 30 days and reassess then. Is that enough? Who knows?
As far as the money goes, this is my second wedding. At first, I was absolutely like- we will NOT spend a shit ton of money. I will NOT be a victim of the wedding industry. I will NOT get caught up in the bullshit. But guess what? If you want to have a big party, it's going to cost a lot. That's what we're learning. But, as I told my fiance, as long as we're making really thoughtful choices and not going into debt or anything, then okay. Because the bottom line is, we want to have an awesome party for all our favorite people, where we can celebrate something really happy. Oh, that is, if we have it at all and we're not all dead, dying, or crawling around in a burned out dystopia by then.
PS- this thread made me want to subscribe to the newsletter, so thank you.
My stepdaughter is planning a wedding right now for this fall. I've had some similar thoughts. Plus our own wedding was less than 15 years ago, so I remember so much about the whole planning and wanting to celebrate with favorite people of all ages. I hear you all amidst this.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I relate to you. My bf and I have been doing long distance for 6 years (!) and got engaged this past Dec. Our plan was that he would arrive in Canada in late March for a week and we would have a civil ceremony with a few friends and family. It took me a long time to get comfortable with the idea of marriage. After 6 years of constant planning around our relationship, I just wanted to do it the simplest way. I bought a lace shirt from the Canadian TJ Max equivalent and planned to wear a vintage pair of my mom's dress pants. The planning came together pretty seamlessly for the first time in 6 years which is why the timing now feels like a cruel joke with all of Italy shutting down 2 weeks before his flight. The financial investment was mostly flights / accommodation and those companies have been trying to do the right thing. I really hope that your venue/vendors are willing to accommodate you in the ways that you need right now. Sometimes, it's situations like these that bring forth a surprising good side of humanity (even if they don't have to according to the rules). Our contract was very clear that nothing is refundable and it still might not be but they are giving us some time to see. It took me a long time to write that e-mail telling them that this day may not happen, also because we booked the date to commemorate my late grandmother's bday. Even if I don't get my deposit back, I think the hardest part for me is the emotional 'deposit' we made. I was really excited/relieved to be able to stay in the same country with my partner who is Italian and essentially stuck far from me in our apartment in a new city we just moved to. He is far from his family and friends in a very uncertain period but trying to keep a good attitude and take care of himself in little ways. You might feel disappointed and questioning where you could have made different choices (that's how I was feeling) but what has helped me is recognizing that if you have your health and your partner by your side (in my case, in an emotionally supportive way) it's a blessing and a testament to how strong you are as a couple. Don't feel ashamed for feeling disappointed or judge yourself too harshly - it's a fucked up situation on top of 'normal' wedding stress. If you can, try to journal and focus what is within your control day by day. If that's too hippie dippie, something that helps me take the edge off my stress is taking magnesium (supplements + epsom salt baths) and Bach Rescue Remedy spray which they sell at most health food stores. Or maybe it will help to make your own list of things that you know can help you cope and post it on the wall where you'll see it every day and can refer to it to get you through. It sounds like you have some ideas about how to still make things work and that there's a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Whatever happens, I wish the best for you.
Absolutely I felt like my wedding was a waste of money, but also weirdly worth it?
Turns out one of my closest friends as well as my sister in law couldn't come because they were pushing out early babies, and a bunch of other people flaked for many and various reasons. Fortunately I had long list of just in case guests, people who were honoured and not offended by the last minute invite, people who had a big impact on my life many years ago but I had grown apart from, but I was able to recognise their impact on my life by inviting them to celebrate this milestone and they were seriously delighted by the invite. Get a list like this put together and don't postpone the wedding. I agree wholeheartedly with Heather, the stress is the pending decision.
I was also in this place every day before my engagement party because my husband was sick and his surgeon was like "this is serious, I want you to go under within three days" but you know, it took 8 months so, medical negligence aside those few weeks leading up to the event cost me a bunch of wasted stress when I could have been like, LOL welcome everyone, my fiance is in hospital let's get drunk and eat this rediculous quantity of donuts I ordered and give all the hugs and reassurance that my soon to be husband is not going to die kthnx. On the other side of the event, I can see so clearly how it wouldn't have mattered.
I actually got grey hairs over waiting to make that decision mixed not to mention the guilt of not just cancelling the thing and feeling selfish to be wanting this party to go ahead when I should just be worried about his health.
You can be worried about your grandparents health and want your wedding to go ahead at the same time, don't give yourself this guilt on top of everything else
If the whole event is cancelled by the venue/state/federal government there is going to have to be a refund surely.
I'm so sorry about this. I've been thinking so much this week, in regards to the election and corona and everything else in the shitstorm, that more than one thing can be true at once. In other words, I completely empathize with you here. You can be sad about your wedding AND the economy can be in trouble AND the government can be fucked AND the elderly can be at risk AND and and and. There's room for all of it. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're likely doing an amazing, graceful job spinning a shitty set of plates in the air. Though it's probably hard to see how, that spinning might create unexpected moments of beauty where you don't even expect them.
I totally get feeling that way - I would feel selfish feeling upset about that but it is still a day which you have anticipated and a special moment of sharing loved one under one roof so YOU EMBRACE THAT SADNESS because it is OK to be sad about that. And the money. And the missing people. Congratulations/I'm so sorry!
I feel for you. I'm on the other side of this, trying to convince my 60yr old parents, one of whom is prone to serious complications from respiratory infections, not to attend a wedding next week. But I'm also engaged and am imaging how I would feel if older relatives were suddenly backing out of attending... I hope that you don't have to postpone or cancel, and I hope that any relatives who are not able to make it remain healthy and that you are able to spend quality time with them as soon as possible.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what I'd do. That sounds like a nightmare. Does the contract prevent postponing for states of emergency? Or maybe there's a way to use technology to make some virtual magic happen for those who can't make it?
Thank you for this. I'm caught between trying to be a voice of calm to reassure my very worried elderly parents, while secretly freaking the f*ck out myself. Heather - I was so planning to follow your advice to aggressively pursue joy this year, but I don't know how to do it as the moment, when I'm semi quarantined and can't make any plans. Any ways people are low-key pursuing joy right now?
ARGH I know! I was (ironically) all about adventure, travel, parties, new friends, getting out of the house this year. I mean, that's not even LIKE ME. And now I am in my house, worrying about when to take the kids out of school, wondering if we should go to the beach next week or stay home, and I also have to have surgery later this month. Yow.
As usual, all I can tell you is what I'm doing when my head gets clogged up by all of the unknowns and the things I want vs. the things I have at this moment: I just put on some music and say to myself: You're still alive. Don't assume things. Don't paint a picture of each event like it's all bad, a series of scary twists that leads straight to hell. Take today and do your best. Reach out to friends. Write something dark if you need a place to put the darkness. Show your face. Make a fucking bizarre TikTok (not kidding). Tell the truth. Pick up a book and read a chapter. Stretch. Do some push-ups. Re-organize a closet.
You will make it through this and marvel at how hard it was later. Just know that you'll make it through. Maybe take some notes while you're here. This is going to be a kind of singularly intense fucked up thing in a lot of our lives? I mean look, it already is. I hate to say that but events of this magnitude just don't happen all that often. Cut yourself some slack every day with that knowledge. Don't panic more, just recognize that this is big, and then stay aware of how bravely you're already handling it. You're a lot stronger than you think. You don't really know that until you're in the shit. So pay attention to how strong you are.
Thank you so much for this, Heather (and for starting this entire thread). It's so generous and I really needed it. Thinking about everything I'll do once this thing is over helps too. Right, off to download TikTok...
You're very welcome and I assure you, this was very selfish of me. I've been feeling like GOD how do we do this? for weeks now. This feels like one way of getting through. I know I won't feel up to connecting every day, but when I do, and people show up for it, it does help, somehow.
unless it is necessary to survive -- you should consider postponing. health systems are going to be completely overwhelmed, and if you are lucky enough that you could wait, it would probably be better for you and for everyone. hope you are ok :)
Mine is pretty essential, though it might be deemed otherwise. Very much crossing my fingers that things stay semi-calm for another week and half. Ha. Ha ha.
that's true. i love reading, and have an enormous to-read list i could be working my way through, but i'm finding it really hard to concentrate on books at moment...keep reading the same page over and over last night....which shows things are bad.
This is 100% what I've been telling myself lately! I've been reading SO MUCH in the last year and more reading time is probably going to help my mental health a ton, so, at least there's a tiny silver lining.
Thank you! I can't believe it didn't already occur to me. I'm a terrible insomniac and I never read in bed because if I start, I'll never stop. I really only read books on airplanes and laid-up sick. I'll go get my reading list in order.
I'm pursuing joy with my ever-growing crochet habit. The good news is, I've already unintentionally stockpiled yarn... Also, if you've never watched the show Steven Universe, it's on Hulu and truly joyous.
Have never heard of Steven Universe and will check it out. I'm thinking about starting a new group farm on Stardew Valley with my kids. It's a cartoony game where you grow plants and mine. I was addicted to it for like 8 months after my last book came out. And by addicted I mean I played something like 250 hours, it wasn't a small addiction. It is... a very good game. For someone who likes toiling. Ha. I should probably learn to crochet instead!
Pursuing joy (I'm starting to learn) seems to be low-key by definition. The best has been this miracle morning ritual that chose us last summer (which we could have been doing for years), coffee sitting by the window, watching birds and talking about them, no other distractions, for a good half hour. We kept the feeders full and they've been so nice to come and entertain us all through the fall and winter.
That is extra stress on you with your parents, for sure, I remember what that was like. Love to you, Clare.
Bird feeder and coffee sounds nice. I do this at my mom's house, should do it here. We also have a bird book that makes sounds, so sometimes it all devolves into everyone imitating various bird calls. Less meditative!
It feels like a hurricane. Something is coming. We're not quite sure of the timing. We know vulnerable people are at risk. All we can do is hunker down and take care of each other.
I am a deacon in a denomination that will be splitting up soon, and our regional leadership is more preoccupied with how much property they can leave with in the divorce settlement rather than the fact that a lot of their congregations are made up of the highest risk groups for negative outcomes with COVID-19. And so they have issued exactly no information to help any of their pastors handle questions about communion, interpersonal contact, visitation of shut-ins, etc.
So here is what I am doing. I am working with my mentor (a chaplain) as well as some medical professionals to do a comprehensive writeup of guidance for our pastors and congregations. If all of this ends up being a nothingburger and I get branded as hysterical, fear-mongering, and a Debbie Downer, well, I will live with that, because I'd rather know that I tried to do something than did nothing and then had to bury my parishioners.
I think the worst part is the dread of waiting. It's like just before Minas Tirith gets attacked by the host of Mordor, and the Nazgul are flying around overhead spreading fear all the time. /nerdreference
Being a leader when others won't lead because they're preoccupied by their own shit, or they're afraid of looking hysterical? Well, that's what being a leader is, period. There are always good reasons not to lead. It's hard to lead. It's vulnerable and you feel like a tool when you lead, a lot. It's so much easier to hang back. But people like you make a big difference. You comfort so many people by stepping up. Thank you!!!!
I was supposed to get "define-the-relationship-talk" drinks with the guy I've been dating tomorrow, which is already a way overdue, anxiety-inducing conversation that's been on my mind, but as I'm immunocompromised and in NYC (which has GOT to already be a hotbed of unconfirmed cases), I think I'm just gonna have to cancel. I already pushed it and met the guy for dinner 2 weeks ago when he had a cough. I will not be dying for this man.
But now there's a very strange and unexpected feeling of: not only do I feel physically restrained from having this very nagging and important conversation to speak what's been on my mind but now the chances of us losing touch and just drifting apart/mutually ghosting feels very likely BECAUSE we haven't been able to have the talk.
But I think also maybe he's just not that into me and I feel him pulling away and I can't pull him back now that we're both literally forced back into solitude.
So maybe it's for the best? I don't know. #LoveInTheTimeOfCoronavirus
hahaha of course! Truly, you've been at least (if not more) effective at providing my life with wisdom than my therapist of 6 years. Thank you for this and everything else. I am so starstruck right now!!! also boys suck that is all
agree. as someone who spent fouuuuuur good years of my mid twenties (crucial mistake making years its true!!) being like "my HoT BoYfRiEnd SeEms iNdiFfEreNt to Me", and thinking I could carry it all in my back, disengage!!! magical thinking/realism belongs in fiction!
I know how you feel though and I know it is hard. You clearly are someone who can do the work. Maybe he'll show up? Someone someday soon will appreciate the work and reflect it right back.
thank you for this. yeah, the last few dudes I really liked pulled the exact same thing of just fading away into the distance (insert GIF of Homer Simpson fading into the bushes), hoping I just ... won't notice? Because they don't want to have a hard conversation or disappoint, but really it puts you in a horrible limbo ranging from "Ok but did he actually die" to "He must really hate me / that thing I said / did / the way I look / blah blah"
As HH says in some ask polly, rejection is rarely personal! I know, impossible to believe. But why pray to the god of indifference? This is something I try to answer for myself.
You know, re dudes that you like that don't like you back... its interesting, as my man and I progress out of the honeymoon stage and into something serious, and he stays loving and faithful and cheerful... I am nothing but "ugh, what is wrong with you, nerd?" because when he's all PRESENT and shit I start hating him, the thing he said, did, the way he dresses, etc. I think I almost prefer indifference and all the one sided carrying-of-relationship I did in the past. It's sexier to love on a God who is better than you and doesn't have time for you very much or only on his terms and intermittently.
If he's the right one, he'll understand. And the 'define the relationship' talk might be less of a formal talk with a fixed moment in time; it'll be more like a series of small chats that happen when you're both hanging out together and relaxed enough to bring up the serious stuff in a non-threatening way. As a metaphor, a bit like how you lay bricks and let the cement dry and then one day you have a wall or a house :)
I'm just astounded by how many people aren't canceling Spring Break plans to the most crowded destinations in America because they don't want to not go on vacation.
Grl thank you for this thread. I’m at the base in VA where someone has it, and I am one of the few self-quarantining. So many people are saying it’s like the flu it’s maddening. Also, would love to know the real numbers of who is sick in the US but there is ZERO chance that is going to happen anytime soon. The waiting is maddening.
Yes. Being extra aware of how likely it is that so many people have it really sucks. And look, even if the odds are slim, there's not enough information out there to make clear decisions. You can't make a good choice, because you don't fucking know. Some of us choose caution in those situations, and others take (unknown? half-calculated?) risks. It's ALL BAD. I would definitely do what you're doing if I were you. And people I knew would call me neurotic. But we all have to make our own choices, because sadly, trusting the system is uh a proven mistake. And also, the system is WILDLY VARIABLE from place to place.
Seattle has been pretty surreal these past few weeks. It's nearly a ghost town, and most grocery stores are strictly limiting purchases of toilet paper and hand sanitizer (and some are out of both entirely!). There's also just a *vibe* in the air, with a lot of people (understandably) trying to make it clear with their body language they don't want other people coming near them.
As far as coping, I've been trying to lean more into my introverted-ness and stay home as much as I can. It's been easy enough, because every time I go outside my brain immediately convinces me I'm covered in germs and must shower immediately.
In any case, all the best to everyone! This is a stressful time, and the government's bungling of it is definitely disheartening, but I hope nobody is feeling overwhelmed by the stress of it all!
As a natural shut-in, I also feel like I'm in my element in some ways. I can do a lot at home and be happy there. I am worried about so many people out there and how they'll cope with this. I mean if you live alone, that also seems particularly stressful depending on your circumstances. I hope everyone will reach out / text/ Skype and just get into good habits of connecting honestly with whomever they can find/ rely on, even newish friends. It's so important.
Oof. I indefinitely-postponed a move to New York that I've been waiting TWO YEARS for. The waiting came at the expense of my mental and emotional wellbeing, but was necessary. Interestingly, the pause feels anxiety-provoking, but also like relief. More than one thing can be true at a time. Silver linings.
I'm also trying to "break through" as a "writer" somewhere with a pitch entitled "In the Wake of Coronavirus, Human Connection is More Important Than Ever." I've only gotten rejections thus far, but like, the nice kind of rejection where they ask you to pitch again in the future. Silver linings.
I also found this collection of Sharon Salzberg meditations: https://soundcloud.com/sharonsalzberg. She even has one for election season. Silver linings.
My creative well ran dry over the weekend, but because I'm stuck at home, a weed muscling through a crack in my driveway sparked a new essay. Silver linings.
I just invested in the criterion channel. $100 for a year. And I’m gonna read every book in my home and I’m making reading lists on my own newsletter. Also concerned about income as I freelance.
It is so damn hard to stay calm and keep writing when you're freelancing. Reading a ton helps. I had a time in 2011 when a friend was dying and I was sinking into more debt every day -- I have never been less prolific. Eventually I had to just surrender to this void of letting things look dark without trying to fix them at all for a WHILE. My finances didn't improve for a long time, but my writing got better after I sort of half-gave up on trying to fix everything around the clock.
If you’re me you’ll like the movies of Jean Pierre Melville. Of course, you’re not me, and they’re pretty mid-century crime movie sexist, so maybe you won’t. Also, Rififi, Stop Making Sense, and I went on a Kurosawa run that was pretty good.
This is so good! I keep telling my husband to get more flour, we're going to make pies and cookies and breads, we're going to have a 2-week-long baking seminar for the kids and emerge, hopefully, healthy and larger and rounder. Pie. Mmm.
I see you. Today when everybody else was scrambling for (a sense of) safety supplies, I was there for butter and sugar. We're gonna bake our way through this.
I am supposed to leave for Europe in three weeks. It's a trip I've been planning for months. Everything is paid for. I have appointments and visits with friends who I haven't seen in 7 years. I'm starting to think I may have to cancel and it's absolutely crushing me. I feel selfish for being so devastated. I feel selfish for keeping my plans. I already canceled a trip to visit my elderly parents next week. I'm trying to keep the perspective that these choices will serve the greater good, but it sucks and it hurts and I don't know what to do.
I'm 6 months pregnant and I'm mad as heck because last time I was pregnant was during the Zika thing, topped off by a Category 5 hurricane coming through right around my due date. I feel the same ball of anxiety I did then, trying to manage all the impossible contingencies I can't even know about. because everything is changing every day.
My husband and I both work from home, so I'm not too worried about us, but my daughter attends pre-school and has asthma, and several of my loved ones are immune compromised.
I don't know how I'll work and take care of my daughter when they inevitably close her preschool, I'm not prepared to stay home with a toddler and a newborn, I can't quit my job, and we don't have help. On top of everything, I had major PPD after my daughter was born, in part from being too isolated, so I was hoping to get out of the house more this second time around. It's looking like it could be worse.
Just had long back and forth with friend on text with her saying, but "it's just the flu" and "I'm carrying on as normal until I hear otherwise" and "if you've got no symptoms I don't see any need to change your behaviour". I've tried saying its not just about healthy individuals but us all playing our part, and she is someone willing to listen (I sent her Anne Helen Petersen's great piece from today and she promised she would read it)...but I still get the impression she thinks this is *my* anxiety - she's listening to my worries and concerns as you'd listen to any friend who is worried about something, but she still thinks it's my overreaction. How do you deal with situations like this? When I think about the fact others don't think this is serious, and that might be making things worse, I get so riled up. I want to shake the whole world by the shoulders! (and then swiftly wash my hands afterwards, obviously).
Have you seen the graphs of what happens if all the cases happen at once vs delaying and spreading it out within the capacity of the healthcare systems? That seems a pragmatic example for people who think it's 'just the flu' without arguing about the actual effects of the disease. Even if it were 'just the flu' you don't want everyone getting it at once and 20% of people ending up in hospital for a month or more, because you want the Doctors to be there if you get in a car accident or something. Maybe that would help as its more enlightened self-interest?
I've been trying SO HARD to show people that chart but it's like facts don't matter. I get it, you get it, most of twitter gets. In my real world it's walls of 'eh I'll be fine' or 'eh I'm young and healthy'. Like yeah, you won't die, but you're still a carrier spreading it around like a mushroom explodes its spores all around.
I've had one glimmer of hope in telling people to imagine they're the virus and ask what they'd do to spread themselves around and take over the world; it gets them to some lightbulb moments that they're doing exactly what they shouldn't be.
Does she have elderly parents she comes in contact with, or anyone with asthma/cancer/immune diseases/lung diseases/etc? I have to admit that the reason I am taking it so seriously is not so much for myself but my 84 y.o. father with congestive heart failure. For the young and healthy, we would probably be ok in the end, but the more direct danger is potentially spreading it to those who wouldn't fare so well. That's not just you being "paranoid."
I'm currently living with my elderly parents, which is obviously why I'm more worried than most - and I think she thinks my anxiety stems from this, which is totally true. I'm more worried than most as I feel hugely responsible that I don't expose myself and put them at risk. It's just the whole "but if you're young and healthy there's no point worrying" argument I'm really struggling with. Everyone should be doing their bit to try and stop the spread - or at least be much more aware that they can spread it to other more vulnerable people, even if its not directly.
I know I’m losing it. I’ve been having my kids wash hands like maniacs. I have lung issues so I am unusually paranoid.
So I went to the store after school
drop off to buy food and rubbing alcohol, and the workers there were telling me it’s being exaggerated in the news and not to worry. I told them they’re wrong; it will be worse. This was the third store I’d been to and they didn’t have any either.
Then I went to the pet store to buy dog food. I complimented them on their Purell at the counter. The girl said “oh it’s not going to be that bad” and I told her, No it will be a lot worse.
Then at the second Target I went to, they got a new shipment of hand sanitizer, rubbing alcohol and aloe Vera on Aisle K and I put some in my cart. Five minutes later I thought, gee I should get some more and give it to the teachers at my kids’ school so I went back to aisle K and I am not lying, it was all gone. Five minutes.
I asked the clerk what happened. He said, I don’t know I just stocked it but people are crazy and they’re over exaggerating and I heard on the news it’s not going to be that bad, so I interrupted him and said “You watch Fox News don’t you?” And he said yeah and I said, Brother, it’s going to be a lot worse than you’ve heard. Go tune in to another news source.
They were all young. They’re going to love forever. I am in my late 50s, I’ve had pneumonia a lot in my life, and what few gay men friends I have are all immunosuppressed in their mid-70s.
And the Target was unusually empty. Five minutes.
I got a callback from my doctor at Kaiser. She said she was told they would have plenty of test by the end of the week, but now she’s being told that the CDC is not allowing testing unless you meet strict criteria. Kaiser is trying their best to secure a private source of testing, because they think the CDC is for shit. I got a callback from my doctor at Kaiser. She said she was told they would have plenty of test by the end of the week, but now she’s being told that the CDC is not allowing testing unless you meet strict criteria. Kaiser is trying their best to secure a private source of testing, because they think the CDC is for shit
So yes. I need a forum to freak out. Thanks Heather. And when did you get blonder? Did I miss something?
Whew. I've heard so much of the same thing. You feel like such a freak when you have to speak up and say, listen dude, prepare. Brace yourself.
Blonde: My hair is pretty gray, tried to go gray, hairdresser said blonde, hated it at first, now I fucking love it and I'll be a scary old bottle blonde forever and ever. Whoop! Very unforeseen twist for me but I'm leaning way the fuck in.
Good luck with your situation, it sounds harrowing to have lung issues right now. I am really worried for so many people, including anyone that requires hospitalization for any reason. It's all worrisome. Take good care of yourself. I'm glad you're alerting the confused youngs out there, anyway! But stay safe.
The kind of attitude you are seeing in stores is freaking me out more than the actual virus! Plan for the worst, hope for the best and remember we are all in this together.
I'm astonished that any store had hand-sanitizer! (My son is determined to find some hidden away somewhere in some underutilized shop and resell it to make his fortune.)
The people who are downplaying this thing are going to be in for a terrible surprise.
I was already mad about working in a corporate office every day and seeing the daily injustices and lack of empathy or compassion for the human beings in their employ. But now I'm more mad that we are fully set up to work from home but they're saving it for a last resort and the main concern seems to be: How can we keep the business running 110% if we are forced to let our employees work from home? Everyone develop a Work From Home action plan! We can't let Covid-19 kill Capitalism! Anyway, I'm angry a lot. It's my birthday Friday and I'm getting drunk (with my hand sanitizer in hand! did I mention I also have OCD?) to cope. #donthugyourocdfriendswearenotok
I'm in Oxford and one of the student is a confirmed case. I have no idea how to proceed. I'm very behind on my dissertation and need to use the library so I just keep going (??), surrounded by my tower of books and everyone in the room freezing every time someone coughs.
My grandmother is back in Ohio and I can't get her to believe the crisis is real because she is an avid Fox-news-watcher. Also, my boyfriend and I almost broke up last weekend. All the sands under my feet feel sticky and shifting at the same time. It's so whiny, but what about my ability to finally start my career after a million years of grad school? I already knew it was a massive, uphill slog to break into academia and now I'm boomeranging between self-interested despair that the disrupted markets will tank university hiring even further, and more existential despair about where our society in general will be left in the near future...
Also: lets pool more streaming suggestions. Did anyone ever see Long shot? It's on (British) netflix at least, and I was totally taken aback at how much I could like a romantic comedy! There is no "drama" between the romantic protagonists--i.e. flimsy gender paradigms that are surmounted by soul-mate-logic--but just two people that really enjoy one another's company. It's not a perfect movie by ANY means, but it made me joyful
Long Shot is great. Booksmart is joyful too if you haven't seen it. And I really liked Late Night (on Amazon Prime now) I've been watching Nancy Meyers movies a lot recently...those plush interiors are very soothing.
I'm young and healthy but right smack in the middle of getting out of a truly shitty marriage and newly living on my own after 10 years of living with somebody, and I am terrified of getting sick with no one to take care of me. Selfishly, it also doesn't feel fair of the universe to pull this now, when I was just starting to think I was through the worst of it, that I could start living my life.
Up until last night I was waiting and waiting and waiting for the university that I work for to switch to work from home. Everyone in my department took laptops home to check that they could work from home if necessary. I had a conversation with my supervisor about how our office would handle mail if we were working from home.
Last night my supervisor told me that the big boss hopes to keep us all coming into the office until someone on our eight person team gets sick. By which time, of course, it will be too late and we all will have have been exposed. There are already two staff on campus who are quarantined and being tested for COVID-19, and apparently 30 people in town who were exposed at an off campus party that two people who had attended the Biogen conference and tested positive attended. So it's clearly here already and all I want to do is hide in my apartment, but of course I can't do that because big boss thinks it's more important for us to be on campus for... his convenience, I guess?
Vee--I'm sorry for the very unfortunate timing of your divorce with this major scary health crisis. Do you have a friend nearby whom you could make a pact with to drop off supplies or to check in if one of you isn't feeling well? Also: sorry to hear about your job: that seems a very incoherent decision by your boss considering you have the capability to wfh and it certainly doesn't make sense to WAIT UNTIL one of you is sick? ugh. i'm sorry. it sounds absolutely ridiculous and i feel for you. i hope the tune changes soon, but i understand feeling powerless to those in charge....but perhaps sending some of the more recent articles that have come out about the spread, etc. could help? i don't know. i feel ya.
I am so scared and so angry. I am 26 and healthy. It’s not me that I’m scared about, however, I am in NYC and my job is requiring that I keep coming in even as we find cases in the building I work in. My company is acting like we’re disposable and prioritizing the business, which isn’t a surprise but is extremely jarring when everyone else is getting to work from home. They even have cleaning staff disinfecting “affected areas” without informing them that they were affected!!! It’s so fucked up and I’m so angry and so scared.
I'm sorry. This sounds really upsetting. It's so hard not to feel powerless when no one seems to be looking out for you. I hope you can protect yourself and also kick it up the ladder that they need to snap out of this and treat their employees with more care. Good luck and hang in there. Get lots of rest and take good care of yourself.
Is there a way to lead from the bottom? My company is responding similarly, really dragging their feet and I've been telling anyone who reports to me and can work from home to do so. I've also been sharing case studies from other countries with my boss who's pushing the data and urgency up the ladder.
I live in Brooklyn, alone (well with my two fur-babies -- THANK GOD). I already work from home. I'm very independent, but prone to bouts of severe clinical depression, and part of my self-care is making sure I interact with other people every day.... Canceling all plans seems like a recipe for a melt-down for me. Does social distancing mean no dinner with friends? No socializing? This is all so confusing.
It's really rough. Start setting up Skype sessions now just as a way of leaping into a new way of living, just in case. We all need to do this as practice, I think, so we don't feel too panicked once the stress of isolation sets in.
I'm similar, I work from home and have anxiety/depression so maintaining social contact is vital. I'm from the UK but going to visit my partner in the US in a couple of weeks, after not seeing her since November. My take on this is risk minimisation rather than total avoidance. This might mean eating at home with friends when I go, where we can take precautions of hand washing, them not coming over if they are feeling sick, etc - rather than going out and sitting in a coffee shop where there are a lot of things out of my control. Yes, there are still risks of infection but it's a calculated risk where I know that I've been in control of the majority of factors (maybe not hugging, being able to clean surfaces after, etc, etc).
The airports and being in a tin-can for 10hrs is making me nervous, but I'm trying to apply the same approach. I'll take snack bars with me and not eat the airline food nor their canned drinks just to minimise the amount of stuff that's had other peoples hands all over it. I can't control everything, but I can reduce it even if it's a little paranoid to some people.
For a short time, maybe yes. I have several long distance friends that I schedule phone or FaceTime dates with and you could try that with local friends, too. I even had a long distance book club for a while that was great fun. We each assembled our our wine and cheese and each meeting began with a showing off of our snacks :-)
Oh! And another thought. Call/Skype all your relatives and friends ages 65+ and those who are vulnerable. They may be feeling a little extra lonely right now and visiting is not an option for their safety. Sometimes sending love and being of service is the thing that makes me feel more connected and less lonely.
I was in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina, and this all reminds so much of that. A pretty big problem that comes from nature, turned into a massive problem from human incompetence and people's belief that nothing bad can ever happen because it hasn't happened yet. We watched the storm on television and made fun of the newscasters' frantic predictions while we waited hours for evacuation. It wasn't even going to hit us directly. It wasn't even going to be as strong as they said. Well, we ended up being right! And still the levee broke. And, later, we watched people die on television, even though we ourselves had been safe the whole time.
When I got evacuated from the hurricane, I transferred to a university back in my hometown and studied evolutionary biology. We learned about emerging diseases and speculated about how long it would be before a new virus came from China. There were reasons it would come from bats, flying disease reservoirs, crossing the border between wildlife and livestock. We learned about how fast a virus can travel around the world, how a long incubation period is bad, how it's dangerous when you feel ok at first--and keep sharing the virus. Honestly, we thought it would all happen a lot sooner.
People keep telling me not to be afraid and not to panic. I'm not afraid! I'm seeing a storm form off the coast, and our weak protections about to fall. I just don't want to watch people die on TV again, wondering why nobody did anything to stop it.
Don't be afraid, but please take this seriously. Look out for your family and neighbors. We're not in a normal situation and things won't be normal for a long time.
My roommate and I are in our late 20s but we've gotten so into FIDGET SPINNERS, it's not even funny. Honestly very soothing especially as someone with major anxiety that often manifests in compulsive skin picking.
My anxiety is spiraling out of control. I’m trying to meditate (insight timer app) and read and watch some old movies on Kanopy (thanks to my local library!) but nothing is helping. My therapist made a joke that she thinks everyone has the virus because people are coming in sick and I just stared at her. So that’s where I’m at. Sorry I don’t have anything more positive to contribute. Going to try out an Agnes Varda film and see how that goes. Sending everyone calmness and whatever else they may need at this time. <3
I get it. I think chatting / texting with people who are upset can help sometimes. I like to text my neurotic friends who can also still make jokes. They're the ones who cry the most at the funeral and then also make the dark comment about wanting to fuck the priest. Need that. I think keeping in mind that this completely mysterious, freaky waiting period might be worse than being in the middle of the storm for some of us. Once it's bad, you might feel more capable. Right now, it's more lonely. I feel better when I remember that I'm neurotic enough that I get pretty calm once everything is really shitty. If that's not you: More movies and less news!
Your friends sound amazing. I am the only person in my circle freaking out, and I feel like my degree of freakout is pretty reasonable, but everyone else is *shrug* business as usual until they hear from an authority. And we know (SURELY) that isn’t a reliable or sufficient guide in this country. Tldr: hard agree.
Oh god. I think I would've landed there at a different time, but I'm older so I've collected a ton of very smart, tuned in, emotional friends. And also when you're older you've seen shitstorms a few different times. But to be clear, this one is truly uniquely unnerving. Hang in there and keep looking around for signs of fracture among your chill friends! They'll join the dark side eventually. I mean fuuuuck that's sad to say but it's true.
My anxiety is getting ~wild~. My boyfriend is force feeding me ativan and I am getting none of my work done. My coping mechanisms (the gym!! perusing stores!!) gave me so much anxiety I had to stop them. I'm panic shopping online and reading twitter 24/7 and constantly asking family if I should come back home.
I'm sorry. If you can't go to the gym, I recommend P90X3. Difficult enough to do and learn that it occupies your mind completely. Take it easy at first, it's intense. And it's expensive. But in terms of an immersive experience, it's v. good.
I wanted to post this picture [but can't, so I will describe instead] of my dog sleeping peacefully beside my lap/laptop, her peaceful mind unfettered by worries of coronavirus, while I troll the internet mercilessly.
I like the poetry of having to describe the emojis and images we would post to make other people feel calmer. Here is a photo of my all grey cat sitting in a round beige (heated) cat bed, the morning sun gliding over his yellow eyes which are trained on a bird outside the window. His whiskers are pushed forward and his profile is quite noble. His beans are dark brown.
Today's soothing photo description is a wide angle shot of a huge pile of colorful leaves, out of which poke the heads of five kittens of varying colors of grey and black and white. One of the kittens has her eyes squeezed shut, like she's about to sneeze. the background is a blurry woodland tableau. Oh look, the black kitten has a ladybug on his nose!
It’s my birthday today, so I’m trying to ignore it, while wondering it’s all going to burn down, with both corporate response and schools closing down. Even one of my cats started sneezing this week.
Happy birthday!! I hope you manage to have a nice one anyway. Mine is on Monday and it feels weird to be thinking about these things in the middle of a pandemic, but ... we need them.
I am trying very hard to be calm, but I'm in a position at work that can't work from home and our owner has gone full panic mode- no one is supposed to speak to each other in person, the mailman isn't allowed in the building and the mail has to be picked up with gloves, we're supposed to use a tissue to open doors- it's so, so hard to focus on not freaking out being in this environment all day!
Jeez. Take care Kristal. I hope this passes soon. One of those few times in my life when I feel like I really need God to exist and answer my prayers. Be well.
Me, thanks for asking! I have six weeks of working-from-home while I'm between (stressful, but meaning-and-structure-providing) jobs, during which I must 1) finish a long-procrastinated-upon doctoral dissertation, 2) clean my disgusting home from top to bottom, and 3) rebuild my social life from the ground up as part of my own aggressively-pursuing-joy project. Now we're gonna add 4) parent my three-year-old full-time when his daycare closes, as it almost certainly will, and 5) waste many hours obsessively watching coronavirus twitter with morbid fascination. Oh and apparently 6) wetly grieve my unexamined shame while reading recent Ask Polly columns that describe my life. Looks like I will not be having people over for dinner parties or barbecues in the near future, so a good part of 3) is nipped in the bud, and 5) is really getting in the way of 1). At least 2) is about halfway there!
For tasty snacks, I will offer that lunch today was five fat medjool dates swimming in a pool of melted Brie. Can recommend.
Thanks for everything you write and for starting this thread and tweeting it out. Hope it helps.
I love this, thank you. I am doing many of these things, too. Dates and brie, my god that sounds perfect. Keep up the good work! Maybe we both need to plan the 15 themed dinner parties/ parties/ dance parties we will be throwing once this fucking darkness lifts. Fingers crossed.
One concrete thing I did today was throw money at my local food bank, since they're still pushing to kick more people off SNAP next month. It soothed the "there's nothing I can do!" feeling a little bit, and I'll probably do it again tomorrow
Started a work from home job last month. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I were still in the old office today. So many layers of fuckery avoided. I’ve been working on my couch, or today from bed, under blankets with my comfiest pillows. I’m detaching from the rigidly enforced workflow and schedule, anchored my kid’s needs and a once-weekly in-office meeting.
Your words were such a timely gift in my email this morning, I really am learning to ease my grip on the toy car’s steering wheel. So far, no crashes.
I’ve been working on getting my friends to understand for months... just now some coming around but not all. Luckily my parents are more willing than most to listen to my anxiety (which wasn’t misplaced this time!!) so they’ve been prepping and keeping very clean habits. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop and people to really realize what’s going on. I think it’ll be 2 weeks at most but by then that’s pretty late
It's good that your parents are listening. My mom is, too -- into science! -- but she's also like OH WELL I'M PRETTY OLD WHATEVER. Like the Russian lady on SNL welcoming the meteor. I have some faith because she's absurdly fit and youthful, but I'd like her to stay at home for a while since she's 78.
It really helps that she’s in shape but yep hope she can stay home!! My dad is obsessing over the news too like me. He was telling me his coworker said “I’m gonna live my life and if my time is up, then it’s up.” He replied “Well I don’t want it to be my time yet, I have stuff I wanna do! Why would you not try your best to prevent it.” Which 100% agree! For a couple of months we all need to change the way we live so a lot of people can live many more years. Shouldn’t be too much to ask
I strongly agree with you! It's so messed up to just shrug about the old people. I feel like when a few beloved high profile old people die from this, the reality of how reckless the US has been will sink in.
Every single time Trump or someone else stands up to address the virus and talks about how to prop up the Dow instead, I want to crush something. Like: How is this real? It's such a fucking let them eat cake moment. It takes a LOT of work to give that little of a fuck about people's lives. Like you really have to work very hard at being the world's biggest living dick to land there.
These people in the top levels of the government have had three solid years of being in denial about everything, so I'm not surprised at all. They've been training for this like it's their Olympics
I genuinely am so afraid! My brain won't shut off. I keep trying to block the twitter app from my phone in an effort to stop reading disaster threads but I keep unblocking it eventually. I live alone, and so the prospect of indefinite isolation is really scaring me, though I have ZERO problem with doing it in order to help contain a pandemic (of course). What I really worry about is if I get the virus, no one will be able to take care of me, and I have asthma, which makes it scarier. So it seems to make sense to isolate now, before that becomes a worry.
But people are everywhere! No one seems to be isolating that much yet! (I am in Toronto.)
Anyway, just adding to the chorus of "yeah, holy shit, this is really scary and also confusing as hell". You can't turn this one off. It's terrifying.
Oh yeah, I'm also a musician, and I usually go to shows once a week or so, and the idea of NOT doing that is both comforting (I'm making a concrete decision to do something helpful!) and horrifying (my mental health is somewhat maintained by live music and the social aspects of it). So! That will be fun soon!!
I am thinking of you Ruhee. Do you have people nearby whom you could call if you did need something? Are there any small things you could do to prepare like make sure you have some food, water, NSAIDs, etc.? I have lived alone before and understand so much how you are feeling (though there was not a scary-evolving pandemic happening at that time). Sending you a hug (that's safe because it's only virtual!!) :)
Thank you, this is really kind! <3 Yes my best friend lives not too far away (she's in a house with her husband) so we've made a pact to try to check on each other when needed. I have a pretty good stock and will be finishing it up today. Fingers crossed. Thank you for this! Hugs in return!
Very freaked out. Worried about my kids who are both in university settings (though one is switching to online classes). Worried about my parents who are both 80+. I feel like we are watching a horror film play out in real time. Trying to cope by lots of reading (heavy dissociating haha) and online shopping which threatens to escalate.
I'm with you. Horror film. I'm trying to just... expect horror, breathe, exercise A TON, write a ton, eat a lot, manage myself from hour to hour. Like I dive in, then pull out when I need distance. It takes a lot of work. Deep breath. Even anticipating the future of this horror is a lot.
I'm fully losing it. Based in London. We work in dance music and all these events are getting cancelled in Europe. I agree its the right thing to do, of course it is -- but financially this could fuck up our business for a long time. And more events will be cancelled and probably in the UK too but we have no idea for how long. We own our own company so nobody is there to rescue us. No schools in London are closed yet and I'm worried about my daughter taking the bus and being exposed. The UK government doesn't seem to take it seriously and I hate Boris. /endrant
I'm so sorry. People with their own businesses are the ones who know exactly how dark things will be for everyone, I think, because they know they can't afford to hold onto nothing for more than a short period of time. I don't think most people have a sense of how much erosion and collapse can come from even small periods of unprecedented trouble. If you haven't seen it, it must never happen. Hang in there. I'm very very sorry for the stress. I hope you can step back and manage to feel ok for some portion of every day. So difficult though.
I’ve been writing about the economic disparities between artists (especially early- and mid-career artists) and arts administrators. So much of the careless leadership that everyone’s gotten so inflamed about (metoo etc) comes from decent people in positions of power/economic security taking chances with younger people with no economic security whatsoever, who are basically relying by in this reactive reptilian mode (I say that empathetically, as one of them). A few weeks of drama for a young actress who can’t make rent can be much more existentially threatening and formative than a few weeks of drama for a smitten older male producer. That’s why it all comes down to socialism for me lately. Anyway maybe I can look at this crisis from an economic standpoint and observing it will help me articulate that more clearly.
*eeking by. Anyway what I mean is your comment about collapse and “small periods of economic trouble” helped me clarify some of those thoughts so thank you.
I'm not sure how the world keeps seeming to get worse, and then I look back at something like the Iowa Caucus and it was... only... 5 weeks ago... when my concern at that moment caucusing was that Pete might win the nomination. I was an idiot. And here in the US, the GOP has of course made this into part of their disinformation campaign. Nothing can make them stop being like this, not even possibly dying.
And my partner keeps talking about a trip to Mexico we're supposed to take with her family in May... and I... I don't even know what things will be like. No, I don't want to buy tickets right now.
I'm feeling relief in this moment because I convinced my parents not to travel to a major metro area on the east coast (but they are still planning to do some travel in the region, by car). But a friend who just returned from a long trip abroad is now in self-quarantine with a cough and slight fever, so I am both worried for her and hoping that she is not worrying too much. I work in public health so I find myself flipping between my rational, professional take on this and my tendency to be a worrywart in general. I am heartbroken that the response has been so mangled in the US and that the changes of us having a public health insurance system anytime soon appear to be slipping through our fingers...
I am in London, UK, and we are facing the same confusion. My mind keeps bouncing between 'this is fine, just a flu' and 'this could jeopardize everything in my life and I may eventually carry a virus that will kill people who are in worse health than me.' So my 'solution,' for now at least, is to focus on taking care of myself, using this at-home time to sleep well, read a lot, cook, clean (but not in a kill-all-the-bacteria-or-you'll-die way). I have limited my time on public transport, and my partner comes to stay with me most days of the week so that we both don't get mad. It is helpful to share your doubts and anxieties with someone as confused as you *and* someone who wants to take care of you, whatever happens. I also try to limit my time reading news about the virus to the bare minimum, because there are so many contradictory messages. I have chosen to make a few safety choices, and I follow updates on the spread, but I don't think I need to read every single horror story about the situation in Italy, for instance.
Also, I have spent a lot of money on flights for a little trip in North America in April and am now starting to really worry that I will loose all that money. I don't know how to take that, to be honest, but it seems clear that a lot of people will be put in perilous financial situations because of this virus. I hope governments will rise up to the challenge but I'm not very optimistic...
Sleeping a lot, reading a lot, cooking, and cleaning are all on my list, too. I keep falling asleep at noon after reading a bunch of scary shit. I feel like it's my body saying OK I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS. Getting organized and throwing stuff out feels soothing right now, too. Focusing on small things feels right when big things look very broken.
I decided to start watching the show BETTER CALL SAUL cos everyone told me it had the ~best character evolution~ of every show but they failed to tell me it was incredibly depressing, so I stopped! Watching a bunch of Al Pacino movies instead and it feels good.
I have to check out Hunters. I'm also catching up with The Circle. Late to it but it's very funny and fun and escapist. Trashy but earnest reality TV. They found really GOOD people, which... is new?
You can change them again. We just moved them as far out as we could so as to not lose the money. I wouldn't make any solid plans right now. Just keep stretching them and hopefully airlines will eventually come up with a refund system or rebooking
thus far, the only confirmed cases in my state are all in my county. I just spent my weekly therapy session examining how my anxiety regarding COVID-19 IS warranted. We discussed healthy ways of responding to the terror/fear/etc by thinking through ways of responding that are within my control, such as: stocking up (but not crazily so) on non-perishable food items, staying in as much as possible, working from home; all feasible and reasonable responses. However, I left the session and felt overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness and sadness. Like: exactly HOW much should i buy since the duration is of unknown length? at the store i overheard several elderly folks asking for aloe so they could make their own hand sanitizer and it made me want to cry because everyone seems so scared and fragile. and also: if you're super old and retired, just STAY HOME dudes! you don't need hand sanitizer at home, you can wash yer hands with soap! ugh. i don't know. there's just an eerie sense of precipitous dread.
Love you! My family and nearly all my friends live in Italy, and there’s a way to keep going even if you have to stay at arm length from anybody else. They say there’s a new code of kindness in keeping the distance, yielding, smiling because we all are in this together. I’m hopeful. Let’s have a walk together if you’re in Silver Lake! 😊
I'm waiting for my classes to get cancelled. My roommates are more worried than I am, so I'm being extra careful for their sake. My mom calls more often--I don't tell her how much I appreciate it because that's not how we work, but I think she knows.
This is nice of you, to be more careful for your roommates. It's so important for the healthy and also people who have some security to be sensitive to those who feel much more vulnerable under these conditions. It's fine to survive however you personally want to, but noticing how other people are struggling with different challenges -- and behaving in ways that honor them -- is a big challenge of our current situation.
I've been planning on relocating for more career opportunities in April and I graduated into the end of the recession. I am freaking out about when I finally am in an ok place job wise that I might be job searching in another recession. I am also doing some consulting work from home so having a ton of time to be on the internet is...not great.
In a very similar boat... hearing about this maybe being an upcoming recession, not just a dip due to the virus, is giving me very painful flashbacks 😕
How are people who are social distancing handling the “want to go to the gym, meet for a drink, etc” questions? Like boldly no fucking way or more like I’m busy and I’ll touch base later?
Love this question and would love to know which choices feel right and fucked up to others. I have trouble separating different choices from each other and coming up with some kind of a clear idea of what to do / not to do/ how/ when / why.
Even a friend with anxiety said I should just focus on washing my hands and not worry about the fact that I rely on uber and public transport to get to therapy and work, the only two places I want to go right. And then she suggested a brunch for next weekend and I'm like, no? But everyone else said yes?!
I’m at the point of plainly saying no to everything. Had to decline free tickets to something twice already 😞. I always explain things a bit (since I’ve done way too much reading) but if they don’t get it, what can you do lol. They’re my friends so I’ll keep trying to get into their heads bc I care about them! But I do need to look out for myself and my fam first and foremost. Some social awkwardness is worth the peace of mind.
Does anyone else start their personal 14 day symptom clock whenever they go somewhere really busy? Or is it just me lol
I have learned that if you focus enough on your swallowing, you can absolutely convince yourself you're getting a sore throat even if you've been home for days 🙃
Last week I kept feeling like I had to say, it's just allergies. (it is) and then I had trouble taking a sip of water and I started coughing a bit. So, extra concern from my supervisor at work. I say between coughs that "I have a drinking problem" and she says "Like in the movie Airplane?" and mimes throwing a glass of water over her shoulder. That was an awesome moment of joy at the end of a long day.
yes...we're at such a weird point, where certain actions still feel like overreactions to some, but they're totally not...but not everyone realises that yet. Every time someone emails me to ask if I can come for a meeting or to invite me to an event, I want to go "are you fucking serious?" But I don't.
The gym is the one I'm struggling with the most. I'm signed up for a powerlifting meet which is on March 29 and I just want them to cancel it now. Every time I go I'm like ... oh god, this seems like such a terrible idea. But also, I am afraid for my mental health when I stop going to the gym for a while. This is a tough one.
I recommend p90x3. It's a set of discs with a variety of routines. You need weights for some but others not. Very good for strength, flexibility, balance, and cardio. Super cheesy. SUPER. CHEESY.
I have plenty of home workout options but the things that I love the most involve a barbell and plates, which is a drag, since I live in an apartment and obviously don't have those available :(
fitnessblender.com has a ton, over 100s, of free workouts. They range from HIIT to weights/toning and are a range of difficulty. Probably the best home workout option I've found out about in years
I'll just start by saying the uneven response, the inconsistent behavior -- locally, nationally, internationally -- and the fact that we've know this was coming for so goddamn long, is driving me nuts. The fact that you can't even prepare without people telling you Covid-19 is just like the flu? Duuuude. Prepare to watch 18% of the older people around you die. That's the percentage in Italy. This is not the flu. It's just unspeakable how confused people are. The situation is custom-designed to frustrate and upset me. It triggers ALL OF THE THINGS.
I should also warn everyone that once you post you'll keep getting emails with other people's posts. The second you get one, click "mute this thread" if you don't want to get more. Important! (I'd like for Substack to change that as the default setting for threads.)
I know. I have nowhere to direct my high-level analysis and anger. I’m someone with immune system issues and lung disease. Why haven’t people been preparing? Getting the testing going? I want to shout. We’ve been watching this unfold since January. I’m in Seattle and the county just now bought a hotel in a suburb that can take 40 people. 40 people! And it’s already being challenged by the NIMBY suburb that somehow thinks it will otherwise be immune. Though bungling does seem the American way. Why do Americans think we are invincible? Or too good to get what the rest of the world is getting? What do I do with this feeling of rage (fear) and powerlessness?
The weirdest thing for me is that I've gotten pretty on top of protecting myself, disinfecting, washing hands, etc. but then on Saturday I went to a small event at the library where people were milling about AND EATING FROM A COMMUNAL VEGGIE DIP PLATTER like nothing was wrong! Some people seem to be letting any sense of precaution pass them by. And we live only a few towns away from an area with a large outbreak. Surreal.
CHILLING.
OMG, no.
Hello, if I may ask, where did you get the "18%" number for Italy ? I read that 827 people died in Italy as of yesterday, and though it's sad it's nowhere near 18% ? https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2020/03/italy-tightens-lockdown-coronavirus-death-toll-soars-200312004301790.html
For age ranges over 70 or 80, the death rate has been 18%
For exemple here I find 14,8% death rate for people over 80 but those numbers are for China, not Italy https://www.bbc.com/news/health-51674743 but at that age no disease is to take lightly
yes but you mean for *infected* people older than 70 (or 80, not the same), that makes a difference !
I might be lucky. Since 2013 I have been recovering from a serious accident. Six of those years were having major bones surgeries. Most of that time was in isolation, in a lot of pain. I get feeling scared about your health and feeling scared about money, what will happen next, the outside world. I am on the other side of it. It is going to be okay. After my last series of accidents I bought myself a really nice violin, something I always wanted, and started playing again. This time, a really nice mandolin. I learned how to sew. I grew an amazing vegetable garden where bunnies and hawks and hummingbirds come to visit. I testify about health care and disability rights at my state capitol, and that government is working fine. If you are going to be dealing with an apocalypse, isolated from society, focus on the things you can control and make something good. You are going to be a better person, find good people, do good things, and make the world better. It will be okay.
OH MY GOD THANK YOU. Just tweeted that last part. This whole thing is so helpful! xoxoxo
I’ve also filled my life with joy through creating, growing and nurturing. In my more frightened moments I ask myself “what are you running from that you feel the need to make and grow and love?” But I think (and hope) that creating is actually helping me process all the fears and uncertainties by channeling it all into something tangible I can control and engage with. I’m recovering from significant health issues and the future is terrifying but my garden is going to be abundant this year.
This is the most calming thing I've read all week.
I'll tell you who I'm tired of. All the dudes in my life acting like 1950's man's men all puffing out like it's an exaggeration, "more people die from the flu, this too shall pass" bullshit. While women are planning. I'm sick of being considered an alarmist. I was made for this. Plan for the worst, hope for the best. My spouse keeps forgetting to wash his hands like it's nothing. I seriously told him if he keeps being so flippant, if he gets sick, I'm leaving him behind when the Apocolypse comes.
I heard that. Luckily I've had 16 years to work on my husband and turn him into a neurotic like myself. So he's washing his hands just as much as me. Less worried, but he was the one who wrote the school a long letter asking why in the world they'd hold an open house tomorrow night for 3k people when the recommendations in CA are all about social distancing. I think it's legitimate to say: Look, just do what I'm doing or else you're disrespecting my need for some sense of control over this nightmare and also you should stay somewhere else maybe until you can respect me and my fears, even if you don't share them.
The idea that basically everything we wear is contaminated is starting to freak me out. What are you guys doing to keep clean (aside from washing hands) without going totally insane with germophobia? I can't wash everything daily - I live in Queens and the closest laundromat is down the street. Do I just... not re-wear things like jeans? Steam them? Panic forever while trying to tell myself my apartment is a "safe place" but really all the germs are here and they're going to live forever on my surfaces and infect me and everyone I love?
Fun sidenote is that I heard that management at my large media company had a meeting where they mentioned "an individual" had been tweeting about "rallying people to work from home" -- this was definitely me, when I spoke to numerous people in the office yesterday airing my grievances (that are very real and serious and backed by science!!!). Hours later, our policy is officially that you *can* WFH until 3/20 if you usually commute via subway - extremely lame and neutered response, but at least people will do it. I can't believe I'm basically on HR's shit list for taking my grievances to Twitter, but when I die, bury me with the tweets that said I was fucking RIGHT, thank you.
I feel you. I wish I knew the answer to this. Or many related questions. & congrats on the kick-assery!
From what I know from a medical source the virus lives for max. of 12 h on surfaces like clothes or metal (like the laptop). On your hands it is supposed to stay alive for just 10 minutes. Still, a lot can happen in 10 minutes so hand washing is essential! The virus is also supposed to be sensitive to heat and sunlight, so if you can't wash your clothes hanging them out in the sun should be enough. This is just the information that I have and you should check other sources, but I wanted to share it because it cleared the picture for me a bit.
I don't know where, but I heard/read that 75% of men do not regularly wash their hands! This is yet another reason for why I live alone.
I'm moving into my own place on 4/1 and have already christened it "The Quarantine Cube."
I like it. :)
I work at a large venue (very close to NYC) and the leadership refuses to cancel performances unless the state prevents public assembly WHICH IS INSANE. We have South Korean and Iranian performers canceling because we won't. The more data and response studies I consume, the more manageable it actually feels...what scares me is how data illiterate people in power are proving themselves to be.
I'm also frustrated by the kneejerk reaction against quarantine. Quarantine =/= air is poison!!! Quarantine is the answer because it would stagger the influx of cases and account for incubation and testing lag. It's a method of helping an already overtaxed system (of people and SUPPLIES) succeed at its job. It's very simple.
Oh my god, can I just copy and paste all of this into Twitter? ALL OF THIS. Quarantine is not "i'm so very afraid." Quarantine = "Hospitals will be overwhelmed soon, I'd like to HELP SLOW THAT DOWN." Also the data illiteracy. It's maddening.
Yes please circulate!!
Just threw it up on Twitter. Thank for you for this. I have felt so frustrated and my kids are like WHEW MAYBE READ LESS. But when you can see things getting bungled, ugh, and everyone around you is like I LOVE THIS CLOWN SHOW I TRUST THESE CLOWNS IT'LL BE FINE LOL.
I don't think reading less is the answer!! We need the information, just not the panic it's couched in. I have a lot of hope watching the rate of confirmed cases in South Korea flatline since they've taken containment measures. It's a manageable problem but it will require freedom-loving Americans tolerating a quarantine and SOONER RATHER THAN LATER to ensure our poor healthcare system can keep up.
My mom is a nurse at a horribly managed home (not yet affected by the virus) and she, a single nurse, has 45 patients she's responsible at any given moment. We need to help healthcare in any way possible, including getting out of the way.
Exactly!!
Does the venue's insurance perhaps have a caveat that it can kick in when the WHO declares a pandemic? A conference I had been planning to go to just cancelled now for this reason.
I'm not in producing but I think it depends on the nature of our many artist contracts. Some artists are choosing to cancel or postpone entire tours and others aren't. I think the venue's position is "if we can hold out the longest we'll save the most money" which I resent.
My wedding is in 6 (5?) weeks. If this process wasn't stressful enough, we're now dealing with the heartwrenching reality that none of our grandparents/any close family friend over 65 is likely to make it. I feel extremely alone, sad, and stupid for mentioning to anyone about how the pandemic is affecting my wedding and the amount of money we might lose if we cancel. We've been looking forward to this for so long, and now it's clouded over by this.
[In all seriousness, we may easily be losing thousands of dollars if we have to postpone or cancel. The wedding industry is one giant unregulated bitch.]
I am so sorry about this. If it helps at all my wedding felt like a big waste of money, too, even though everyone was there? I mean it was good to get married to my husband. But the mediocre food alone - why? I know that's not that helpful, but... doesn't anyone else here feel that way about their wedding? So much waste built into it. The thing that sucks so hard for you right now is the STRESS of managing not only the specter of that huge cost, but also the actual DECISIONS around it. God I feel for you. It sucks to be dealing with it at a time when everyone is under stress so no one is listening that well, too.
Also I had a friend who got married right after 9-11 and 2/3 of the guests bailed. I actually got to go to the wedding because there were so many extra slots, and we had a great time and became lifelong friends after that when we were only acquaintances/ becoming friends before. So: possible bright side? But shit, still impossibly terrible. I'm sorrrry!!!!
This IS helpful because it DOES feel like a huge waste of money!! I really just wanted everyone I love to be together and happy in one giant room, and now those who do come are likely to just feel obligated to be there. The overall cost has given me night sweats for months, and the possibility of losing our deposits has sent me over the edge.
(We are slowly, steadily trying to coordinate with our venue for a possible postponement date. But in case anyone is interested to know this tiny detail, wedding insurance companies [mine included] have declared that they won't cover any accrued costs due to coronavirus. See my above comment about how little regulation there is in this godforsaken industry.)
All in all, I think the saddest part is that this was going to be a giant party with our nearest, dearest, youngest and eldest, and now we're not sure if/when it's going to happen. Hopefully going into quarantine will help me calm down?
My friend had insurance and there was political upheaval in the town she was getting married, like rioting, totally fucked, and the company said it wasn't covered. It's just... so messed up. Like here, pay for peace of mind, and then, when things go wrong? We'll add insult to injury by torturing you!
I used to work in travel insurance and our mandate was to LOOK for coverage, but sometimes it's just not in the policy language. So after 9/11 of course everyone freaked out and cancelled all their flights, but we don't cover for you freaking out, we cover for an actual event. So obviously your flight was cancelled on 9/11/01 because it was grounded, we paid whatever the airline didn't. But if you cancelled because you are afraid, sorry! It SUCKED and we claims people got our asses chewed into dust for months afterward. Riots and terror language was added afterward but like wedding insurance DGAF! Just know they aren't denying you to torture you. The best work day is just paying everything because you can.
I'm getting married too. In July. We're just about to sign a contract on a venue and then this whole thing happened. So now...do we still sign? Do we wait? Will it be over by then? There's so much unknown. We're trying to find out if the venue has any sort of "act of god" clause. So far they've offered to hold our spot for 30 days and reassess then. Is that enough? Who knows?
As far as the money goes, this is my second wedding. At first, I was absolutely like- we will NOT spend a shit ton of money. I will NOT be a victim of the wedding industry. I will NOT get caught up in the bullshit. But guess what? If you want to have a big party, it's going to cost a lot. That's what we're learning. But, as I told my fiance, as long as we're making really thoughtful choices and not going into debt or anything, then okay. Because the bottom line is, we want to have an awesome party for all our favorite people, where we can celebrate something really happy. Oh, that is, if we have it at all and we're not all dead, dying, or crawling around in a burned out dystopia by then.
PS- this thread made me want to subscribe to the newsletter, so thank you.
My stepdaughter is planning a wedding right now for this fall. I've had some similar thoughts. Plus our own wedding was less than 15 years ago, so I remember so much about the whole planning and wanting to celebrate with favorite people of all ages. I hear you all amidst this.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I relate to you. My bf and I have been doing long distance for 6 years (!) and got engaged this past Dec. Our plan was that he would arrive in Canada in late March for a week and we would have a civil ceremony with a few friends and family. It took me a long time to get comfortable with the idea of marriage. After 6 years of constant planning around our relationship, I just wanted to do it the simplest way. I bought a lace shirt from the Canadian TJ Max equivalent and planned to wear a vintage pair of my mom's dress pants. The planning came together pretty seamlessly for the first time in 6 years which is why the timing now feels like a cruel joke with all of Italy shutting down 2 weeks before his flight. The financial investment was mostly flights / accommodation and those companies have been trying to do the right thing. I really hope that your venue/vendors are willing to accommodate you in the ways that you need right now. Sometimes, it's situations like these that bring forth a surprising good side of humanity (even if they don't have to according to the rules). Our contract was very clear that nothing is refundable and it still might not be but they are giving us some time to see. It took me a long time to write that e-mail telling them that this day may not happen, also because we booked the date to commemorate my late grandmother's bday. Even if I don't get my deposit back, I think the hardest part for me is the emotional 'deposit' we made. I was really excited/relieved to be able to stay in the same country with my partner who is Italian and essentially stuck far from me in our apartment in a new city we just moved to. He is far from his family and friends in a very uncertain period but trying to keep a good attitude and take care of himself in little ways. You might feel disappointed and questioning where you could have made different choices (that's how I was feeling) but what has helped me is recognizing that if you have your health and your partner by your side (in my case, in an emotionally supportive way) it's a blessing and a testament to how strong you are as a couple. Don't feel ashamed for feeling disappointed or judge yourself too harshly - it's a fucked up situation on top of 'normal' wedding stress. If you can, try to journal and focus what is within your control day by day. If that's too hippie dippie, something that helps me take the edge off my stress is taking magnesium (supplements + epsom salt baths) and Bach Rescue Remedy spray which they sell at most health food stores. Or maybe it will help to make your own list of things that you know can help you cope and post it on the wall where you'll see it every day and can refer to it to get you through. It sounds like you have some ideas about how to still make things work and that there's a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Whatever happens, I wish the best for you.
Also I love the 9/11 story. Do you watch Mad Men? This all reminds of me Roger Sterling's daughter's wedding that was the day after JFK was shot!!
Yes! I had a friend whose first film hit theaters on 9/11. Hard to bitch about it, but also, very difficult.
also lol that's three comments about my tragic friends! Jesus.
Absolutely I felt like my wedding was a waste of money, but also weirdly worth it?
Turns out one of my closest friends as well as my sister in law couldn't come because they were pushing out early babies, and a bunch of other people flaked for many and various reasons. Fortunately I had long list of just in case guests, people who were honoured and not offended by the last minute invite, people who had a big impact on my life many years ago but I had grown apart from, but I was able to recognise their impact on my life by inviting them to celebrate this milestone and they were seriously delighted by the invite. Get a list like this put together and don't postpone the wedding. I agree wholeheartedly with Heather, the stress is the pending decision.
I was also in this place every day before my engagement party because my husband was sick and his surgeon was like "this is serious, I want you to go under within three days" but you know, it took 8 months so, medical negligence aside those few weeks leading up to the event cost me a bunch of wasted stress when I could have been like, LOL welcome everyone, my fiance is in hospital let's get drunk and eat this rediculous quantity of donuts I ordered and give all the hugs and reassurance that my soon to be husband is not going to die kthnx. On the other side of the event, I can see so clearly how it wouldn't have mattered.
I actually got grey hairs over waiting to make that decision mixed not to mention the guilt of not just cancelling the thing and feeling selfish to be wanting this party to go ahead when I should just be worried about his health.
You can be worried about your grandparents health and want your wedding to go ahead at the same time, don't give yourself this guilt on top of everything else
If the whole event is cancelled by the venue/state/federal government there is going to have to be a refund surely.
I'm so sorry about this. I've been thinking so much this week, in regards to the election and corona and everything else in the shitstorm, that more than one thing can be true at once. In other words, I completely empathize with you here. You can be sad about your wedding AND the economy can be in trouble AND the government can be fucked AND the elderly can be at risk AND and and and. There's room for all of it. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're likely doing an amazing, graceful job spinning a shitty set of plates in the air. Though it's probably hard to see how, that spinning might create unexpected moments of beauty where you don't even expect them.
I totally get feeling that way - I would feel selfish feeling upset about that but it is still a day which you have anticipated and a special moment of sharing loved one under one roof so YOU EMBRACE THAT SADNESS because it is OK to be sad about that. And the money. And the missing people. Congratulations/I'm so sorry!
I haven’t stopped thinking about people with weddings planned. I’m so sorry. You’re not stupid at all. This fucking sucks.
I feel for you. I'm on the other side of this, trying to convince my 60yr old parents, one of whom is prone to serious complications from respiratory infections, not to attend a wedding next week. But I'm also engaged and am imaging how I would feel if older relatives were suddenly backing out of attending... I hope that you don't have to postpone or cancel, and I hope that any relatives who are not able to make it remain healthy and that you are able to spend quality time with them as soon as possible.
Just a comment to tell you I hear this and I am so sorry!
Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what I'd do. That sounds like a nightmare. Does the contract prevent postponing for states of emergency? Or maybe there's a way to use technology to make some virtual magic happen for those who can't make it?
Thank you for this. I'm caught between trying to be a voice of calm to reassure my very worried elderly parents, while secretly freaking the f*ck out myself. Heather - I was so planning to follow your advice to aggressively pursue joy this year, but I don't know how to do it as the moment, when I'm semi quarantined and can't make any plans. Any ways people are low-key pursuing joy right now?
ARGH I know! I was (ironically) all about adventure, travel, parties, new friends, getting out of the house this year. I mean, that's not even LIKE ME. And now I am in my house, worrying about when to take the kids out of school, wondering if we should go to the beach next week or stay home, and I also have to have surgery later this month. Yow.
As usual, all I can tell you is what I'm doing when my head gets clogged up by all of the unknowns and the things I want vs. the things I have at this moment: I just put on some music and say to myself: You're still alive. Don't assume things. Don't paint a picture of each event like it's all bad, a series of scary twists that leads straight to hell. Take today and do your best. Reach out to friends. Write something dark if you need a place to put the darkness. Show your face. Make a fucking bizarre TikTok (not kidding). Tell the truth. Pick up a book and read a chapter. Stretch. Do some push-ups. Re-organize a closet.
You will make it through this and marvel at how hard it was later. Just know that you'll make it through. Maybe take some notes while you're here. This is going to be a kind of singularly intense fucked up thing in a lot of our lives? I mean look, it already is. I hate to say that but events of this magnitude just don't happen all that often. Cut yourself some slack every day with that knowledge. Don't panic more, just recognize that this is big, and then stay aware of how bravely you're already handling it. You're a lot stronger than you think. You don't really know that until you're in the shit. So pay attention to how strong you are.
(I'm also really sorry to hear you've got to have surgery in the middle of all this)
Thank you so much for this, Heather (and for starting this entire thread). It's so generous and I really needed it. Thinking about everything I'll do once this thing is over helps too. Right, off to download TikTok...
You're very welcome and I assure you, this was very selfish of me. I've been feeling like GOD how do we do this? for weeks now. This feels like one way of getting through. I know I won't feel up to connecting every day, but when I do, and people show up for it, it does help, somehow.
Yes thank you so much for this.
I'm also supposed to have surgery and this is what is mostly freaking me out. I'm 75% of the way toward canceling?
unless it is necessary to survive -- you should consider postponing. health systems are going to be completely overwhelmed, and if you are lucky enough that you could wait, it would probably be better for you and for everyone. hope you are ok :)
Mine is pretty essential, though it might be deemed otherwise. Very much crossing my fingers that things stay semi-calm for another week and half. Ha. Ha ha.
Crossing my fingers for you too!
Do you like to read? Take it from a former bookseller: the idea of quarantining isn't *all* bad when you think of being alone with a to-be-read pile.
that's true. i love reading, and have an enormous to-read list i could be working my way through, but i'm finding it really hard to concentrate on books at moment...keep reading the same page over and over last night....which shows things are bad.
This is 100% what I've been telling myself lately! I've been reading SO MUCH in the last year and more reading time is probably going to help my mental health a ton, so, at least there's a tiny silver lining.
I’m really hoping this enforced solitude will get people interested in books again!
Enforced solitude only gives me more depression
Thank you! I can't believe it didn't already occur to me. I'm a terrible insomniac and I never read in bed because if I start, I'll never stop. I really only read books on airplanes and laid-up sick. I'll go get my reading list in order.
I'm pursuing joy with my ever-growing crochet habit. The good news is, I've already unintentionally stockpiled yarn... Also, if you've never watched the show Steven Universe, it's on Hulu and truly joyous.
Have never heard of Steven Universe and will check it out. I'm thinking about starting a new group farm on Stardew Valley with my kids. It's a cartoony game where you grow plants and mine. I was addicted to it for like 8 months after my last book came out. And by addicted I mean I played something like 250 hours, it wasn't a small addiction. It is... a very good game. For someone who likes toiling. Ha. I should probably learn to crochet instead!
Stardew Valley is the best!! But crochet is just as addicting and takes up more closet space...
I think / hope Steven Universe will be right up your alley. Super kid friendly too.
I have been meaning to watch Steven Universe and just got Hulu, thanks!
Pursuing joy (I'm starting to learn) seems to be low-key by definition. The best has been this miracle morning ritual that chose us last summer (which we could have been doing for years), coffee sitting by the window, watching birds and talking about them, no other distractions, for a good half hour. We kept the feeders full and they've been so nice to come and entertain us all through the fall and winter.
That is extra stress on you with your parents, for sure, I remember what that was like. Love to you, Clare.
Bird feeder and coffee sounds nice. I do this at my mom's house, should do it here. We also have a bird book that makes sounds, so sometimes it all devolves into everyone imitating various bird calls. Less meditative!
Thank you. Yes, I love watching the birds too. Very lucky that I have a garden and can do that.
It feels like a hurricane. Something is coming. We're not quite sure of the timing. We know vulnerable people are at risk. All we can do is hunker down and take care of each other.
Yes to taking care of each other.
As an introvert, “self isolating” is my new excuse for backing out of social engagements.
I was thinking about that. As an introvert with OCD scared of germs and avoiding people is my natural state of being, lol.
I somehow knew I'd find my people on this thread. 100% with you.
I am a deacon in a denomination that will be splitting up soon, and our regional leadership is more preoccupied with how much property they can leave with in the divorce settlement rather than the fact that a lot of their congregations are made up of the highest risk groups for negative outcomes with COVID-19. And so they have issued exactly no information to help any of their pastors handle questions about communion, interpersonal contact, visitation of shut-ins, etc.
So here is what I am doing. I am working with my mentor (a chaplain) as well as some medical professionals to do a comprehensive writeup of guidance for our pastors and congregations. If all of this ends up being a nothingburger and I get branded as hysterical, fear-mongering, and a Debbie Downer, well, I will live with that, because I'd rather know that I tried to do something than did nothing and then had to bury my parishioners.
I think the worst part is the dread of waiting. It's like just before Minas Tirith gets attacked by the host of Mordor, and the Nazgul are flying around overhead spreading fear all the time. /nerdreference
Being a leader when others won't lead because they're preoccupied by their own shit, or they're afraid of looking hysterical? Well, that's what being a leader is, period. There are always good reasons not to lead. It's hard to lead. It's vulnerable and you feel like a tool when you lead, a lot. It's so much easier to hang back. But people like you make a big difference. You comfort so many people by stepping up. Thank you!!!!
I was supposed to get "define-the-relationship-talk" drinks with the guy I've been dating tomorrow, which is already a way overdue, anxiety-inducing conversation that's been on my mind, but as I'm immunocompromised and in NYC (which has GOT to already be a hotbed of unconfirmed cases), I think I'm just gonna have to cancel. I already pushed it and met the guy for dinner 2 weeks ago when he had a cough. I will not be dying for this man.
But now there's a very strange and unexpected feeling of: not only do I feel physically restrained from having this very nagging and important conversation to speak what's been on my mind but now the chances of us losing touch and just drifting apart/mutually ghosting feels very likely BECAUSE we haven't been able to have the talk.
But I think also maybe he's just not that into me and I feel him pulling away and I can't pull him back now that we're both literally forced back into solitude.
So maybe it's for the best? I don't know. #LoveInTheTimeOfCoronavirus
girl, I feel you. You are NOT dying from this man, pls no. If you feel him pulling away (I'm in the same boat), this article is essentially life changing. #bringyourownmagic https://www.thecut.com/2020/02/ask-polly-my-dream-man-moved-on-should-i-wait-for-him.html
printing off this article and putting it on my fridge
You guys know I wrote that, right?
hahaha of course! Truly, you've been at least (if not more) effective at providing my life with wisdom than my therapist of 6 years. Thank you for this and everything else. I am so starstruck right now!!! also boys suck that is all
OK just checking! Sometimes people don't know? Also today's other Ask Polly newsletter post is about letting go of boyzzzzz too, woohoo!
I actually had read this one when it first was published and am v grateful it is now resurfacing. 🙏🏼
Do not die for this or any man!!!
agree. as someone who spent fouuuuuur good years of my mid twenties (crucial mistake making years its true!!) being like "my HoT BoYfRiEnd SeEms iNdiFfEreNt to Me", and thinking I could carry it all in my back, disengage!!! magical thinking/realism belongs in fiction!
I know how you feel though and I know it is hard. You clearly are someone who can do the work. Maybe he'll show up? Someone someday soon will appreciate the work and reflect it right back.
thank you for this. yeah, the last few dudes I really liked pulled the exact same thing of just fading away into the distance (insert GIF of Homer Simpson fading into the bushes), hoping I just ... won't notice? Because they don't want to have a hard conversation or disappoint, but really it puts you in a horrible limbo ranging from "Ok but did he actually die" to "He must really hate me / that thing I said / did / the way I look / blah blah"
As HH says in some ask polly, rejection is rarely personal! I know, impossible to believe. But why pray to the god of indifference? This is something I try to answer for myself.
You know, re dudes that you like that don't like you back... its interesting, as my man and I progress out of the honeymoon stage and into something serious, and he stays loving and faithful and cheerful... I am nothing but "ugh, what is wrong with you, nerd?" because when he's all PRESENT and shit I start hating him, the thing he said, did, the way he dresses, etc. I think I almost prefer indifference and all the one sided carrying-of-relationship I did in the past. It's sexier to love on a God who is better than you and doesn't have time for you very much or only on his terms and intermittently.
If he's the right one, he'll understand. And the 'define the relationship' talk might be less of a formal talk with a fixed moment in time; it'll be more like a series of small chats that happen when you're both hanging out together and relaxed enough to bring up the serious stuff in a non-threatening way. As a metaphor, a bit like how you lay bricks and let the cement dry and then one day you have a wall or a house :)
I'm just astounded by how many people aren't canceling Spring Break plans to the most crowded destinations in America because they don't want to not go on vacation.
Agree. Very strange.
Grl thank you for this thread. I’m at the base in VA where someone has it, and I am one of the few self-quarantining. So many people are saying it’s like the flu it’s maddening. Also, would love to know the real numbers of who is sick in the US but there is ZERO chance that is going to happen anytime soon. The waiting is maddening.
Yes. Being extra aware of how likely it is that so many people have it really sucks. And look, even if the odds are slim, there's not enough information out there to make clear decisions. You can't make a good choice, because you don't fucking know. Some of us choose caution in those situations, and others take (unknown? half-calculated?) risks. It's ALL BAD. I would definitely do what you're doing if I were you. And people I knew would call me neurotic. But we all have to make our own choices, because sadly, trusting the system is uh a proven mistake. And also, the system is WILDLY VARIABLE from place to place.
Seattle has been pretty surreal these past few weeks. It's nearly a ghost town, and most grocery stores are strictly limiting purchases of toilet paper and hand sanitizer (and some are out of both entirely!). There's also just a *vibe* in the air, with a lot of people (understandably) trying to make it clear with their body language they don't want other people coming near them.
As far as coping, I've been trying to lean more into my introverted-ness and stay home as much as I can. It's been easy enough, because every time I go outside my brain immediately convinces me I'm covered in germs and must shower immediately.
In any case, all the best to everyone! This is a stressful time, and the government's bungling of it is definitely disheartening, but I hope nobody is feeling overwhelmed by the stress of it all!
As a natural shut-in, I also feel like I'm in my element in some ways. I can do a lot at home and be happy there. I am worried about so many people out there and how they'll cope with this. I mean if you live alone, that also seems particularly stressful depending on your circumstances. I hope everyone will reach out / text/ Skype and just get into good habits of connecting honestly with whomever they can find/ rely on, even newish friends. It's so important.
Oof. I indefinitely-postponed a move to New York that I've been waiting TWO YEARS for. The waiting came at the expense of my mental and emotional wellbeing, but was necessary. Interestingly, the pause feels anxiety-provoking, but also like relief. More than one thing can be true at a time. Silver linings.
I'm also trying to "break through" as a "writer" somewhere with a pitch entitled "In the Wake of Coronavirus, Human Connection is More Important Than Ever." I've only gotten rejections thus far, but like, the nice kind of rejection where they ask you to pitch again in the future. Silver linings.
I also found this collection of Sharon Salzberg meditations: https://soundcloud.com/sharonsalzberg. She even has one for election season. Silver linings.
My creative well ran dry over the weekend, but because I'm stuck at home, a weed muscling through a crack in my driveway sparked a new essay. Silver linings.
Love ALL OF THIS. Thank you!!
Love Sharon Salzberg!! Can’t wait for new essay.
I just invested in the criterion channel. $100 for a year. And I’m gonna read every book in my home and I’m making reading lists on my own newsletter. Also concerned about income as I freelance.
It is so damn hard to stay calm and keep writing when you're freelancing. Reading a ton helps. I had a time in 2011 when a friend was dying and I was sinking into more debt every day -- I have never been less prolific. Eventually I had to just surrender to this void of letting things look dark without trying to fix them at all for a WHILE. My finances didn't improve for a long time, but my writing got better after I sort of half-gave up on trying to fix everything around the clock.
And I’m sorry to hear about your friend—it sounds like you were there for them in huge way.
This is really helpful. The financial uncertainty is something I’m just now learning how to deal with and your perspective makes me feel sane!
Delurking to say: I also Criterion. I went on a French crime binge last month that was as good as a weekend away. Good call.
Please make some specific recommendations. Looking for shows to binge.
If you’re me you’ll like the movies of Jean Pierre Melville. Of course, you’re not me, and they’re pretty mid-century crime movie sexist, so maybe you won’t. Also, Rififi, Stop Making Sense, and I went on a Kurosawa run that was pretty good.
The more I panic, the more ambitious my baking becomes. So, I'm learning to make sourdough bread.
This is so good! I keep telling my husband to get more flour, we're going to make pies and cookies and breads, we're going to have a 2-week-long baking seminar for the kids and emerge, hopefully, healthy and larger and rounder. Pie. Mmm.
I'm also ready to bake pies with all my frozen fruit and stockpile of butter (which I maintain at all times).
I too have like 10 bars of Kerrygold in the freezer.
I see you. Today when everybody else was scrambling for (a sense of) safety supplies, I was there for butter and sugar. We're gonna bake our way through this.
What sort of supplies should I get for baking? Virgin baker. Seems like this is better than stress induced scotch drinking.
Flour, butter, sugar (or substitutes), yeast, baking powder, baking soda.
Eggs. Both brown and white sugar. Chocolate chips, cocoa, etc.
https://www.seriouseats.com/2018/10/basic-essential-baking-ingredients.html
I am supposed to leave for Europe in three weeks. It's a trip I've been planning for months. Everything is paid for. I have appointments and visits with friends who I haven't seen in 7 years. I'm starting to think I may have to cancel and it's absolutely crushing me. I feel selfish for being so devastated. I feel selfish for keeping my plans. I already canceled a trip to visit my elderly parents next week. I'm trying to keep the perspective that these choices will serve the greater good, but it sucks and it hurts and I don't know what to do.
I'M SO SORRY. Ugh!!!
I'm 6 months pregnant and I'm mad as heck because last time I was pregnant was during the Zika thing, topped off by a Category 5 hurricane coming through right around my due date. I feel the same ball of anxiety I did then, trying to manage all the impossible contingencies I can't even know about. because everything is changing every day.
My husband and I both work from home, so I'm not too worried about us, but my daughter attends pre-school and has asthma, and several of my loved ones are immune compromised.
I don't know how I'll work and take care of my daughter when they inevitably close her preschool, I'm not prepared to stay home with a toddler and a newborn, I can't quit my job, and we don't have help. On top of everything, I had major PPD after my daughter was born, in part from being too isolated, so I was hoping to get out of the house more this second time around. It's looking like it could be worse.
Just had long back and forth with friend on text with her saying, but "it's just the flu" and "I'm carrying on as normal until I hear otherwise" and "if you've got no symptoms I don't see any need to change your behaviour". I've tried saying its not just about healthy individuals but us all playing our part, and she is someone willing to listen (I sent her Anne Helen Petersen's great piece from today and she promised she would read it)...but I still get the impression she thinks this is *my* anxiety - she's listening to my worries and concerns as you'd listen to any friend who is worried about something, but she still thinks it's my overreaction. How do you deal with situations like this? When I think about the fact others don't think this is serious, and that might be making things worse, I get so riled up. I want to shake the whole world by the shoulders! (and then swiftly wash my hands afterwards, obviously).
Have you seen the graphs of what happens if all the cases happen at once vs delaying and spreading it out within the capacity of the healthcare systems? That seems a pragmatic example for people who think it's 'just the flu' without arguing about the actual effects of the disease. Even if it were 'just the flu' you don't want everyone getting it at once and 20% of people ending up in hospital for a month or more, because you want the Doctors to be there if you get in a car accident or something. Maybe that would help as its more enlightened self-interest?
I've been trying SO HARD to show people that chart but it's like facts don't matter. I get it, you get it, most of twitter gets. In my real world it's walls of 'eh I'll be fine' or 'eh I'm young and healthy'. Like yeah, you won't die, but you're still a carrier spreading it around like a mushroom explodes its spores all around.
I've had one glimmer of hope in telling people to imagine they're the virus and ask what they'd do to spread themselves around and take over the world; it gets them to some lightbulb moments that they're doing exactly what they shouldn't be.
I’ve been sending this article around to others, it’s really comprehensive and it’s convinced a few people who I hadn’t been able to get to listen.
https://medium.com/@tomaspueyo/coronavirus-act-today-or-people-will-die-f4d3d9cd99ca
Does she have elderly parents she comes in contact with, or anyone with asthma/cancer/immune diseases/lung diseases/etc? I have to admit that the reason I am taking it so seriously is not so much for myself but my 84 y.o. father with congestive heart failure. For the young and healthy, we would probably be ok in the end, but the more direct danger is potentially spreading it to those who wouldn't fare so well. That's not just you being "paranoid."
I'm currently living with my elderly parents, which is obviously why I'm more worried than most - and I think she thinks my anxiety stems from this, which is totally true. I'm more worried than most as I feel hugely responsible that I don't expose myself and put them at risk. It's just the whole "but if you're young and healthy there's no point worrying" argument I'm really struggling with. Everyone should be doing their bit to try and stop the spread - or at least be much more aware that they can spread it to other more vulnerable people, even if its not directly.
I know I’m losing it. I’ve been having my kids wash hands like maniacs. I have lung issues so I am unusually paranoid.
So I went to the store after school
drop off to buy food and rubbing alcohol, and the workers there were telling me it’s being exaggerated in the news and not to worry. I told them they’re wrong; it will be worse. This was the third store I’d been to and they didn’t have any either.
Then I went to the pet store to buy dog food. I complimented them on their Purell at the counter. The girl said “oh it’s not going to be that bad” and I told her, No it will be a lot worse.
Then at the second Target I went to, they got a new shipment of hand sanitizer, rubbing alcohol and aloe Vera on Aisle K and I put some in my cart. Five minutes later I thought, gee I should get some more and give it to the teachers at my kids’ school so I went back to aisle K and I am not lying, it was all gone. Five minutes.
I asked the clerk what happened. He said, I don’t know I just stocked it but people are crazy and they’re over exaggerating and I heard on the news it’s not going to be that bad, so I interrupted him and said “You watch Fox News don’t you?” And he said yeah and I said, Brother, it’s going to be a lot worse than you’ve heard. Go tune in to another news source.
They were all young. They’re going to love forever. I am in my late 50s, I’ve had pneumonia a lot in my life, and what few gay men friends I have are all immunosuppressed in their mid-70s.
And the Target was unusually empty. Five minutes.
I got a callback from my doctor at Kaiser. She said she was told they would have plenty of test by the end of the week, but now she’s being told that the CDC is not allowing testing unless you meet strict criteria. Kaiser is trying their best to secure a private source of testing, because they think the CDC is for shit. I got a callback from my doctor at Kaiser. She said she was told they would have plenty of test by the end of the week, but now she’s being told that the CDC is not allowing testing unless you meet strict criteria. Kaiser is trying their best to secure a private source of testing, because they think the CDC is for shit
So yes. I need a forum to freak out. Thanks Heather. And when did you get blonder? Did I miss something?
Whew. I've heard so much of the same thing. You feel like such a freak when you have to speak up and say, listen dude, prepare. Brace yourself.
Blonde: My hair is pretty gray, tried to go gray, hairdresser said blonde, hated it at first, now I fucking love it and I'll be a scary old bottle blonde forever and ever. Whoop! Very unforeseen twist for me but I'm leaning way the fuck in.
Good luck with your situation, it sounds harrowing to have lung issues right now. I am really worried for so many people, including anyone that requires hospitalization for any reason. It's all worrisome. Take good care of yourself. I'm glad you're alerting the confused youngs out there, anyway! But stay safe.
The kind of attitude you are seeing in stores is freaking me out more than the actual virus! Plan for the worst, hope for the best and remember we are all in this together.
I'm astonished that any store had hand-sanitizer! (My son is determined to find some hidden away somewhere in some underutilized shop and resell it to make his fortune.)
The people who are downplaying this thing are going to be in for a terrible surprise.
I was already mad about working in a corporate office every day and seeing the daily injustices and lack of empathy or compassion for the human beings in their employ. But now I'm more mad that we are fully set up to work from home but they're saving it for a last resort and the main concern seems to be: How can we keep the business running 110% if we are forced to let our employees work from home? Everyone develop a Work From Home action plan! We can't let Covid-19 kill Capitalism! Anyway, I'm angry a lot. It's my birthday Friday and I'm getting drunk (with my hand sanitizer in hand! did I mention I also have OCD?) to cope. #donthugyourocdfriendswearenotok
Oh also I'm fucking meditating or whatever too.
hahaha, "I'm also fucking meditating or whatever" is EXTREMELY a mood
I'm in Oxford and one of the student is a confirmed case. I have no idea how to proceed. I'm very behind on my dissertation and need to use the library so I just keep going (??), surrounded by my tower of books and everyone in the room freezing every time someone coughs.
My grandmother is back in Ohio and I can't get her to believe the crisis is real because she is an avid Fox-news-watcher. Also, my boyfriend and I almost broke up last weekend. All the sands under my feet feel sticky and shifting at the same time. It's so whiny, but what about my ability to finally start my career after a million years of grad school? I already knew it was a massive, uphill slog to break into academia and now I'm boomeranging between self-interested despair that the disrupted markets will tank university hiring even further, and more existential despair about where our society in general will be left in the near future...
Also: lets pool more streaming suggestions. Did anyone ever see Long shot? It's on (British) netflix at least, and I was totally taken aback at how much I could like a romantic comedy! There is no "drama" between the romantic protagonists--i.e. flimsy gender paradigms that are surmounted by soul-mate-logic--but just two people that really enjoy one another's company. It's not a perfect movie by ANY means, but it made me joyful
*waves from a few miles outside Oxford*
Long Shot is great. Booksmart is joyful too if you haven't seen it. And I really liked Late Night (on Amazon Prime now) I've been watching Nancy Meyers movies a lot recently...those plush interiors are very soothing.
I found this exchange soothing. Thank you. Making a list of stuff to watch now...
Did you see the recent nytimes Modern Love column by Nancy Meyers?? Her life is just like her movies: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/28/style/modern-love-nancy-meyers-rom-com.html
Upvoting Booksmart! Further combing of my queue:
Thunder Road (excruciating comedy, developed from one-man show)
Safety Not Guaranteed (quirky in a bearable way comedy, sweet)
Paris is Burning (classic!)
Bull Durham (peak 1980s sexy Susan Sarandon, baseball)
Chuck Norris v. Communism (quirky documentary, feel good about soviet wall(?))
Parade's End (wartime, period, costume, romance)
The Babysitter (gory wink at horror genre)
lots to go on the list!
I'm young and healthy but right smack in the middle of getting out of a truly shitty marriage and newly living on my own after 10 years of living with somebody, and I am terrified of getting sick with no one to take care of me. Selfishly, it also doesn't feel fair of the universe to pull this now, when I was just starting to think I was through the worst of it, that I could start living my life.
Up until last night I was waiting and waiting and waiting for the university that I work for to switch to work from home. Everyone in my department took laptops home to check that they could work from home if necessary. I had a conversation with my supervisor about how our office would handle mail if we were working from home.
Last night my supervisor told me that the big boss hopes to keep us all coming into the office until someone on our eight person team gets sick. By which time, of course, it will be too late and we all will have have been exposed. There are already two staff on campus who are quarantined and being tested for COVID-19, and apparently 30 people in town who were exposed at an off campus party that two people who had attended the Biogen conference and tested positive attended. So it's clearly here already and all I want to do is hide in my apartment, but of course I can't do that because big boss thinks it's more important for us to be on campus for... his convenience, I guess?
Bluh, I'm scared.
Vee--I'm sorry for the very unfortunate timing of your divorce with this major scary health crisis. Do you have a friend nearby whom you could make a pact with to drop off supplies or to check in if one of you isn't feeling well? Also: sorry to hear about your job: that seems a very incoherent decision by your boss considering you have the capability to wfh and it certainly doesn't make sense to WAIT UNTIL one of you is sick? ugh. i'm sorry. it sounds absolutely ridiculous and i feel for you. i hope the tune changes soon, but i understand feeling powerless to those in charge....but perhaps sending some of the more recent articles that have come out about the spread, etc. could help? i don't know. i feel ya.
I am so scared and so angry. I am 26 and healthy. It’s not me that I’m scared about, however, I am in NYC and my job is requiring that I keep coming in even as we find cases in the building I work in. My company is acting like we’re disposable and prioritizing the business, which isn’t a surprise but is extremely jarring when everyone else is getting to work from home. They even have cleaning staff disinfecting “affected areas” without informing them that they were affected!!! It’s so fucked up and I’m so angry and so scared.
I'm sorry. This sounds really upsetting. It's so hard not to feel powerless when no one seems to be looking out for you. I hope you can protect yourself and also kick it up the ladder that they need to snap out of this and treat their employees with more care. Good luck and hang in there. Get lots of rest and take good care of yourself.
Is there a way to lead from the bottom? My company is responding similarly, really dragging their feet and I've been telling anyone who reports to me and can work from home to do so. I've also been sharing case studies from other countries with my boss who's pushing the data and urgency up the ladder.
I live in Brooklyn, alone (well with my two fur-babies -- THANK GOD). I already work from home. I'm very independent, but prone to bouts of severe clinical depression, and part of my self-care is making sure I interact with other people every day.... Canceling all plans seems like a recipe for a melt-down for me. Does social distancing mean no dinner with friends? No socializing? This is all so confusing.
It's really rough. Start setting up Skype sessions now just as a way of leaping into a new way of living, just in case. We all need to do this as practice, I think, so we don't feel too panicked once the stress of isolation sets in.
I'm similar, I work from home and have anxiety/depression so maintaining social contact is vital. I'm from the UK but going to visit my partner in the US in a couple of weeks, after not seeing her since November. My take on this is risk minimisation rather than total avoidance. This might mean eating at home with friends when I go, where we can take precautions of hand washing, them not coming over if they are feeling sick, etc - rather than going out and sitting in a coffee shop where there are a lot of things out of my control. Yes, there are still risks of infection but it's a calculated risk where I know that I've been in control of the majority of factors (maybe not hugging, being able to clean surfaces after, etc, etc).
Thanks Alan. This seems like a reasonable approach!
The airports and being in a tin-can for 10hrs is making me nervous, but I'm trying to apply the same approach. I'll take snack bars with me and not eat the airline food nor their canned drinks just to minimise the amount of stuff that's had other peoples hands all over it. I can't control everything, but I can reduce it even if it's a little paranoid to some people.
For a short time, maybe yes. I have several long distance friends that I schedule phone or FaceTime dates with and you could try that with local friends, too. I even had a long distance book club for a while that was great fun. We each assembled our our wine and cheese and each meeting began with a showing off of our snacks :-)
Oh! And another thought. Call/Skype all your relatives and friends ages 65+ and those who are vulnerable. They may be feeling a little extra lonely right now and visiting is not an option for their safety. Sometimes sending love and being of service is the thing that makes me feel more connected and less lonely.
Love this idea!
I was in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina, and this all reminds so much of that. A pretty big problem that comes from nature, turned into a massive problem from human incompetence and people's belief that nothing bad can ever happen because it hasn't happened yet. We watched the storm on television and made fun of the newscasters' frantic predictions while we waited hours for evacuation. It wasn't even going to hit us directly. It wasn't even going to be as strong as they said. Well, we ended up being right! And still the levee broke. And, later, we watched people die on television, even though we ourselves had been safe the whole time.
When I got evacuated from the hurricane, I transferred to a university back in my hometown and studied evolutionary biology. We learned about emerging diseases and speculated about how long it would be before a new virus came from China. There were reasons it would come from bats, flying disease reservoirs, crossing the border between wildlife and livestock. We learned about how fast a virus can travel around the world, how a long incubation period is bad, how it's dangerous when you feel ok at first--and keep sharing the virus. Honestly, we thought it would all happen a lot sooner.
People keep telling me not to be afraid and not to panic. I'm not afraid! I'm seeing a storm form off the coast, and our weak protections about to fall. I just don't want to watch people die on TV again, wondering why nobody did anything to stop it.
Don't be afraid, but please take this seriously. Look out for your family and neighbors. We're not in a normal situation and things won't be normal for a long time.
My roommate and I are in our late 20s but we've gotten so into FIDGET SPINNERS, it's not even funny. Honestly very soothing especially as someone with major anxiety that often manifests in compulsive skin picking.
This makes perfect sense to me. Now I want one.
My anxiety is spiraling out of control. I’m trying to meditate (insight timer app) and read and watch some old movies on Kanopy (thanks to my local library!) but nothing is helping. My therapist made a joke that she thinks everyone has the virus because people are coming in sick and I just stared at her. So that’s where I’m at. Sorry I don’t have anything more positive to contribute. Going to try out an Agnes Varda film and see how that goes. Sending everyone calmness and whatever else they may need at this time. <3
I get it. I think chatting / texting with people who are upset can help sometimes. I like to text my neurotic friends who can also still make jokes. They're the ones who cry the most at the funeral and then also make the dark comment about wanting to fuck the priest. Need that. I think keeping in mind that this completely mysterious, freaky waiting period might be worse than being in the middle of the storm for some of us. Once it's bad, you might feel more capable. Right now, it's more lonely. I feel better when I remember that I'm neurotic enough that I get pretty calm once everything is really shitty. If that's not you: More movies and less news!
Your friends sound amazing. I am the only person in my circle freaking out, and I feel like my degree of freakout is pretty reasonable, but everyone else is *shrug* business as usual until they hear from an authority. And we know (SURELY) that isn’t a reliable or sufficient guide in this country. Tldr: hard agree.
Oh god. I think I would've landed there at a different time, but I'm older so I've collected a ton of very smart, tuned in, emotional friends. And also when you're older you've seen shitstorms a few different times. But to be clear, this one is truly uniquely unnerving. Hang in there and keep looking around for signs of fracture among your chill friends! They'll join the dark side eventually. I mean fuuuuck that's sad to say but it's true.
Going to text some friends right now- thank you!! (Still more movies though as well!!)
My anxiety is getting ~wild~. My boyfriend is force feeding me ativan and I am getting none of my work done. My coping mechanisms (the gym!! perusing stores!!) gave me so much anxiety I had to stop them. I'm panic shopping online and reading twitter 24/7 and constantly asking family if I should come back home.
I'm sorry. If you can't go to the gym, I recommend P90X3. Difficult enough to do and learn that it occupies your mind completely. Take it easy at first, it's intense. And it's expensive. But in terms of an immersive experience, it's v. good.
I hope you can do what’s best for you right now and if that means going home to family, I hope you can make that happen.
I wanted to post this picture [but can't, so I will describe instead] of my dog sleeping peacefully beside my lap/laptop, her peaceful mind unfettered by worries of coronavirus, while I troll the internet mercilessly.
There should be a way to post images here, although I guess that could go wrong quickly! I would add one of my dogs, harassing me for a walk.
I like the poetry of having to describe the emojis and images we would post to make other people feel calmer. Here is a photo of my all grey cat sitting in a round beige (heated) cat bed, the morning sun gliding over his yellow eyes which are trained on a bird outside the window. His whiskers are pushed forward and his profile is quite noble. His beans are dark brown.
I wanted to post a photo of my hoarded stacks of Kerrygold butter.
Mmmmmmmm.
Today's soothing photo description is a wide angle shot of a huge pile of colorful leaves, out of which poke the heads of five kittens of varying colors of grey and black and white. One of the kittens has her eyes squeezed shut, like she's about to sneeze. the background is a blurry woodland tableau. Oh look, the black kitten has a ladybug on his nose!
It’s my birthday today, so I’m trying to ignore it, while wondering it’s all going to burn down, with both corporate response and schools closing down. Even one of my cats started sneezing this week.
Happy birthday! I hope you can find some way to enjoy yourself in spite of everything. Baking you a giant chocolate fondue cake inside my head. xoxo
My son and I made a chocolate cake last night!
AM CLAIRVOYANT.
Happy birthday! Mine is Friday. A weird time for birthdays to be sure.
Happy birthday!! I hope you manage to have a nice one anyway. Mine is on Monday and it feels weird to be thinking about these things in the middle of a pandemic, but ... we need them.
I fully agree. But it's been a beautiful day out here, so I'm not complaining.
Happy Birthday!
I am trying very hard to be calm, but I'm in a position at work that can't work from home and our owner has gone full panic mode- no one is supposed to speak to each other in person, the mailman isn't allowed in the building and the mail has to be picked up with gloves, we're supposed to use a tissue to open doors- it's so, so hard to focus on not freaking out being in this environment all day!
Oh Jesus. Whoa. Deep breath. I'm sorry!
Thank you! There's a weird little college radio station getting me through so at least there's that!
Jeez. Take care Kristal. I hope this passes soon. One of those few times in my life when I feel like I really need God to exist and answer my prayers. Be well.
Me, thanks for asking! I have six weeks of working-from-home while I'm between (stressful, but meaning-and-structure-providing) jobs, during which I must 1) finish a long-procrastinated-upon doctoral dissertation, 2) clean my disgusting home from top to bottom, and 3) rebuild my social life from the ground up as part of my own aggressively-pursuing-joy project. Now we're gonna add 4) parent my three-year-old full-time when his daycare closes, as it almost certainly will, and 5) waste many hours obsessively watching coronavirus twitter with morbid fascination. Oh and apparently 6) wetly grieve my unexamined shame while reading recent Ask Polly columns that describe my life. Looks like I will not be having people over for dinner parties or barbecues in the near future, so a good part of 3) is nipped in the bud, and 5) is really getting in the way of 1). At least 2) is about halfway there!
For tasty snacks, I will offer that lunch today was five fat medjool dates swimming in a pool of melted Brie. Can recommend.
Thanks for everything you write and for starting this thread and tweeting it out. Hope it helps.
I love this, thank you. I am doing many of these things, too. Dates and brie, my god that sounds perfect. Keep up the good work! Maybe we both need to plan the 15 themed dinner parties/ parties/ dance parties we will be throwing once this fucking darkness lifts. Fingers crossed.
One concrete thing I did today was throw money at my local food bank, since they're still pushing to kick more people off SNAP next month. It soothed the "there's nothing I can do!" feeling a little bit, and I'll probably do it again tomorrow
Started a work from home job last month. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I were still in the old office today. So many layers of fuckery avoided. I’ve been working on my couch, or today from bed, under blankets with my comfiest pillows. I’m detaching from the rigidly enforced workflow and schedule, anchored my kid’s needs and a once-weekly in-office meeting.
Your words were such a timely gift in my email this morning, I really am learning to ease my grip on the toy car’s steering wheel. So far, no crashes.
Thank you! "So many layers of fuckery avoided" should be written on a mug for people who work from home.
I can actually make that happen, my sisters make all sorts of custom cuppery
Let us know when it's available -- ha!
I feel really sad and scared for everyone who will be struggling financially. I’m going to make a donation to my local food bank.
I’ve been working on getting my friends to understand for months... just now some coming around but not all. Luckily my parents are more willing than most to listen to my anxiety (which wasn’t misplaced this time!!) so they’ve been prepping and keeping very clean habits. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop and people to really realize what’s going on. I think it’ll be 2 weeks at most but by then that’s pretty late
It's good that your parents are listening. My mom is, too -- into science! -- but she's also like OH WELL I'M PRETTY OLD WHATEVER. Like the Russian lady on SNL welcoming the meteor. I have some faith because she's absurdly fit and youthful, but I'd like her to stay at home for a while since she's 78.
It really helps that she’s in shape but yep hope she can stay home!! My dad is obsessing over the news too like me. He was telling me his coworker said “I’m gonna live my life and if my time is up, then it’s up.” He replied “Well I don’t want it to be my time yet, I have stuff I wanna do! Why would you not try your best to prevent it.” Which 100% agree! For a couple of months we all need to change the way we live so a lot of people can live many more years. Shouldn’t be too much to ask
I strongly agree with you! It's so messed up to just shrug about the old people. I feel like when a few beloved high profile old people die from this, the reality of how reckless the US has been will sink in.
this shit is dumb af lol.
watching people with real power cape for the market while knowing in the back of their heads that millions of lives are at risk is trying.
motherfuckers have never even heard the word responsibility.
Every single time Trump or someone else stands up to address the virus and talks about how to prop up the Dow instead, I want to crush something. Like: How is this real? It's such a fucking let them eat cake moment. It takes a LOT of work to give that little of a fuck about people's lives. Like you really have to work very hard at being the world's biggest living dick to land there.
These people in the top levels of the government have had three solid years of being in denial about everything, so I'm not surprised at all. They've been training for this like it's their Olympics
I genuinely am so afraid! My brain won't shut off. I keep trying to block the twitter app from my phone in an effort to stop reading disaster threads but I keep unblocking it eventually. I live alone, and so the prospect of indefinite isolation is really scaring me, though I have ZERO problem with doing it in order to help contain a pandemic (of course). What I really worry about is if I get the virus, no one will be able to take care of me, and I have asthma, which makes it scarier. So it seems to make sense to isolate now, before that becomes a worry.
But people are everywhere! No one seems to be isolating that much yet! (I am in Toronto.)
Anyway, just adding to the chorus of "yeah, holy shit, this is really scary and also confusing as hell". You can't turn this one off. It's terrifying.
Oh yeah, I'm also a musician, and I usually go to shows once a week or so, and the idea of NOT doing that is both comforting (I'm making a concrete decision to do something helpful!) and horrifying (my mental health is somewhat maintained by live music and the social aspects of it). So! That will be fun soon!!
I am thinking of you Ruhee. Do you have people nearby whom you could call if you did need something? Are there any small things you could do to prepare like make sure you have some food, water, NSAIDs, etc.? I have lived alone before and understand so much how you are feeling (though there was not a scary-evolving pandemic happening at that time). Sending you a hug (that's safe because it's only virtual!!) :)
Thank you, this is really kind! <3 Yes my best friend lives not too far away (she's in a house with her husband) so we've made a pact to try to check on each other when needed. I have a pretty good stock and will be finishing it up today. Fingers crossed. Thank you for this! Hugs in return!
Very freaked out. Worried about my kids who are both in university settings (though one is switching to online classes). Worried about my parents who are both 80+. I feel like we are watching a horror film play out in real time. Trying to cope by lots of reading (heavy dissociating haha) and online shopping which threatens to escalate.
I'm with you. Horror film. I'm trying to just... expect horror, breathe, exercise A TON, write a ton, eat a lot, manage myself from hour to hour. Like I dive in, then pull out when I need distance. It takes a lot of work. Deep breath. Even anticipating the future of this horror is a lot.
It feels like Train To Busan. Everything's normal, people going about their day, and slowly then quickly it starts falling apart.
The good things: the infrastructure is fine. The stores will remain open. We can get through this.
I have heard that watching "Contagion" right now is oddly cathartic... 😬
It is! I want to calm-yell like Kate Winslet: “Get off the bus!”
I'm fully losing it. Based in London. We work in dance music and all these events are getting cancelled in Europe. I agree its the right thing to do, of course it is -- but financially this could fuck up our business for a long time. And more events will be cancelled and probably in the UK too but we have no idea for how long. We own our own company so nobody is there to rescue us. No schools in London are closed yet and I'm worried about my daughter taking the bus and being exposed. The UK government doesn't seem to take it seriously and I hate Boris. /endrant
I'm so sorry. People with their own businesses are the ones who know exactly how dark things will be for everyone, I think, because they know they can't afford to hold onto nothing for more than a short period of time. I don't think most people have a sense of how much erosion and collapse can come from even small periods of unprecedented trouble. If you haven't seen it, it must never happen. Hang in there. I'm very very sorry for the stress. I hope you can step back and manage to feel ok for some portion of every day. So difficult though.
I’ve been writing about the economic disparities between artists (especially early- and mid-career artists) and arts administrators. So much of the careless leadership that everyone’s gotten so inflamed about (metoo etc) comes from decent people in positions of power/economic security taking chances with younger people with no economic security whatsoever, who are basically relying by in this reactive reptilian mode (I say that empathetically, as one of them). A few weeks of drama for a young actress who can’t make rent can be much more existentially threatening and formative than a few weeks of drama for a smitten older male producer. That’s why it all comes down to socialism for me lately. Anyway maybe I can look at this crisis from an economic standpoint and observing it will help me articulate that more clearly.
*eeking by. Anyway what I mean is your comment about collapse and “small periods of economic trouble” helped me clarify some of those thoughts so thank you.
I am not worried. I know this is wrong, because a rant I went on the other day had substantively similar content to one Trump went on.
I'm not sure how the world keeps seeming to get worse, and then I look back at something like the Iowa Caucus and it was... only... 5 weeks ago... when my concern at that moment caucusing was that Pete might win the nomination. I was an idiot. And here in the US, the GOP has of course made this into part of their disinformation campaign. Nothing can make them stop being like this, not even possibly dying.
And my partner keeps talking about a trip to Mexico we're supposed to take with her family in May... and I... I don't even know what things will be like. No, I don't want to buy tickets right now.
I'm feeling relief in this moment because I convinced my parents not to travel to a major metro area on the east coast (but they are still planning to do some travel in the region, by car). But a friend who just returned from a long trip abroad is now in self-quarantine with a cough and slight fever, so I am both worried for her and hoping that she is not worrying too much. I work in public health so I find myself flipping between my rational, professional take on this and my tendency to be a worrywart in general. I am heartbroken that the response has been so mangled in the US and that the changes of us having a public health insurance system anytime soon appear to be slipping through our fingers...
I am in London, UK, and we are facing the same confusion. My mind keeps bouncing between 'this is fine, just a flu' and 'this could jeopardize everything in my life and I may eventually carry a virus that will kill people who are in worse health than me.' So my 'solution,' for now at least, is to focus on taking care of myself, using this at-home time to sleep well, read a lot, cook, clean (but not in a kill-all-the-bacteria-or-you'll-die way). I have limited my time on public transport, and my partner comes to stay with me most days of the week so that we both don't get mad. It is helpful to share your doubts and anxieties with someone as confused as you *and* someone who wants to take care of you, whatever happens. I also try to limit my time reading news about the virus to the bare minimum, because there are so many contradictory messages. I have chosen to make a few safety choices, and I follow updates on the spread, but I don't think I need to read every single horror story about the situation in Italy, for instance.
Also, I have spent a lot of money on flights for a little trip in North America in April and am now starting to really worry that I will loose all that money. I don't know how to take that, to be honest, but it seems clear that a lot of people will be put in perilous financial situations because of this virus. I hope governments will rise up to the challenge but I'm not very optimistic...
Sleeping a lot, reading a lot, cooking, and cleaning are all on my list, too. I keep falling asleep at noon after reading a bunch of scary shit. I feel like it's my body saying OK I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS. Getting organized and throwing stuff out feels soothing right now, too. Focusing on small things feels right when big things look very broken.
I decided to start watching the show BETTER CALL SAUL cos everyone told me it had the ~best character evolution~ of every show but they failed to tell me it was incredibly depressing, so I stopped! Watching a bunch of Al Pacino movies instead and it feels good.
Binge watching Hunters on Netflix. Highly suggest it.
I have to check out Hunters. I'm also catching up with The Circle. Late to it but it's very funny and fun and escapist. Trashy but earnest reality TV. They found really GOOD people, which... is new?
Skip straight to Season 4 of BCS. Fantastic.
You can change the tickets. Move them to oct nov. we just did this. And only cost $25
Yeah, good point, I may do that! What's harder is to plan my life around that change of schedule...
You can change them again. We just moved them as far out as we could so as to not lose the money. I wouldn't make any solid plans right now. Just keep stretching them and hopefully airlines will eventually come up with a refund system or rebooking
I'm 72 with some health conditions, and I am a bit nervous about how this is going to play out, but not to the point where I am losing sleep over it
thus far, the only confirmed cases in my state are all in my county. I just spent my weekly therapy session examining how my anxiety regarding COVID-19 IS warranted. We discussed healthy ways of responding to the terror/fear/etc by thinking through ways of responding that are within my control, such as: stocking up (but not crazily so) on non-perishable food items, staying in as much as possible, working from home; all feasible and reasonable responses. However, I left the session and felt overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness and sadness. Like: exactly HOW much should i buy since the duration is of unknown length? at the store i overheard several elderly folks asking for aloe so they could make their own hand sanitizer and it made me want to cry because everyone seems so scared and fragile. and also: if you're super old and retired, just STAY HOME dudes! you don't need hand sanitizer at home, you can wash yer hands with soap! ugh. i don't know. there's just an eerie sense of precipitous dread.
Love you! My family and nearly all my friends live in Italy, and there’s a way to keep going even if you have to stay at arm length from anybody else. They say there’s a new code of kindness in keeping the distance, yielding, smiling because we all are in this together. I’m hopeful. Let’s have a walk together if you’re in Silver Lake! 😊
I'm waiting for my classes to get cancelled. My roommates are more worried than I am, so I'm being extra careful for their sake. My mom calls more often--I don't tell her how much I appreciate it because that's not how we work, but I think she knows.
Sending love and homemade brownies.
This is nice of you, to be more careful for your roommates. It's so important for the healthy and also people who have some security to be sensitive to those who feel much more vulnerable under these conditions. It's fine to survive however you personally want to, but noticing how other people are struggling with different challenges -- and behaving in ways that honor them -- is a big challenge of our current situation.
This too shall pass. Sending love and ease to everyone. <3
I've been planning on relocating for more career opportunities in April and I graduated into the end of the recession. I am freaking out about when I finally am in an ok place job wise that I might be job searching in another recession. I am also doing some consulting work from home so having a ton of time to be on the internet is...not great.
In a very similar boat... hearing about this maybe being an upcoming recession, not just a dip due to the virus, is giving me very painful flashbacks 😕
there's been rumblings of one for a while which is...not great. I'm afraid this will speed it up :/
How are people who are social distancing handling the “want to go to the gym, meet for a drink, etc” questions? Like boldly no fucking way or more like I’m busy and I’ll touch base later?
Love this question and would love to know which choices feel right and fucked up to others. I have trouble separating different choices from each other and coming up with some kind of a clear idea of what to do / not to do/ how/ when / why.
Even a friend with anxiety said I should just focus on washing my hands and not worry about the fact that I rely on uber and public transport to get to therapy and work, the only two places I want to go right. And then she suggested a brunch for next weekend and I'm like, no? But everyone else said yes?!
I’m at the point of plainly saying no to everything. Had to decline free tickets to something twice already 😞. I always explain things a bit (since I’ve done way too much reading) but if they don’t get it, what can you do lol. They’re my friends so I’ll keep trying to get into their heads bc I care about them! But I do need to look out for myself and my fam first and foremost. Some social awkwardness is worth the peace of mind.
Does anyone else start their personal 14 day symptom clock whenever they go somewhere really busy? Or is it just me lol
I have learned that if you focus enough on your swallowing, you can absolutely convince yourself you're getting a sore throat even if you've been home for days 🙃
Been there...
I can cough once and be like, I knew I shouldn’t have gone out to lunch last Monday! It is exhausting lol
Last week I kept feeling like I had to say, it's just allergies. (it is) and then I had trouble taking a sip of water and I started coughing a bit. So, extra concern from my supervisor at work. I say between coughs that "I have a drinking problem" and she says "Like in the movie Airplane?" and mimes throwing a glass of water over her shoulder. That was an awesome moment of joy at the end of a long day.
Thank you. I am having that very experience.
yes...we're at such a weird point, where certain actions still feel like overreactions to some, but they're totally not...but not everyone realises that yet. Every time someone emails me to ask if I can come for a meeting or to invite me to an event, I want to go "are you fucking serious?" But I don't.
The gym is the one I'm struggling with the most. I'm signed up for a powerlifting meet which is on March 29 and I just want them to cancel it now. Every time I go I'm like ... oh god, this seems like such a terrible idea. But also, I am afraid for my mental health when I stop going to the gym for a while. This is a tough one.
I recommend p90x3. It's a set of discs with a variety of routines. You need weights for some but others not. Very good for strength, flexibility, balance, and cardio. Super cheesy. SUPER. CHEESY.
I have plenty of home workout options but the things that I love the most involve a barbell and plates, which is a drag, since I live in an apartment and obviously don't have those available :(
fitnessblender.com has a ton, over 100s, of free workouts. They range from HIIT to weights/toning and are a range of difficulty. Probably the best home workout option I've found out about in years