I have two kinds of friends: the ones I made when I was very much younger and didn’t know how to find people who could stand my personality and the others. The first, older friends tend to roll their eyes and say things like “not this subject again.” The newer friends who o made when I finally knew myself and my calling can listen for hours, ask me how my obsessive research is going, want to know if I ever found or figured out the answer to the question or mystery that had been eluding me.
I have kept only those older friends who truly like me, even though I drive them crazy sometimes and have to reign myself in. Only for them will I do that. I stick to pop culture, shopping, beauty, movies (new ones, not the old ones I’m obsessed with, lol), and food. It’s fine. It keeps me civilized. I’m not married to them, either!
I'm reading this and I totally get you! But why do I feel like her problem is kind of similar to the person writing in a couple posts ago on 'How can I feel fully loved and understood', VH, where she doesn't feel deeply loved by her husband? Doesn't she also feel like he isn't listening and this is the issue? Isn't her husband a blunty?
The final advice is quite different between the 2 articles here or I may be missing something. Because somehow I resonate with that writer, and this writer as well!
Sometimes you can't find that person even when you've been looking your whole life. Sometimes you just need to go within, for however long (or short), and be your own listener.
“They just don’t get it. They aren’t for you. Walk away. You have worlds inside you — swirling, colorful, mournful, generous, soaring, hopeful, searing, heartbreaking worlds. You cannot offer just a tiny slice of you. You cannot hold back the flood. You want to share those worlds. You are way too big, too complicated, too glorious and infinitely sad and unspeakably divine. You have to share all of it. Find someone worthy of all of it. Find someone who wants ALL OF IT.“
Hearing your words, as a sisterly sharp knife, makes it all fall into place and make sense. Your column gives me hope and validation like nothing else. I couldn't be more grateful for the understanding, validation and truth telling you do. Thank Goddess For You and for this!!!! Healing balm and hope giving light you share.
One thing I really love for communication about relationship matters (not for sharing life story) is "non violent communication". I just listened to some podcasts about it and I just feel it has to be mentioned when discussing listening!
This isn’t about this post (although, of course, I took screenshots of all the poignant parts of it, like I do for every post) -- but, Heather, in case you’re reading this, I saw that you’ll be at the Brooklyn Book Festival on Sunday. I’m an artist who does live illustration of events. (Instagram is Coyneworks; I think you follow me on your IG account Real Ask Polly). Just saying -- I can’t wait to see you in person and draw your panel with Keith Gessen (!)!
You 👏 cannot 👏 make 👏 the 👏 other 👏 person 👏 give 👏 you 👏 something 👏 they 👏 don’t 👏 want 👏 or 👏 cannot 👏 give.
I absolutely can’t wait for an update to the original response.
I have two kinds of friends: the ones I made when I was very much younger and didn’t know how to find people who could stand my personality and the others. The first, older friends tend to roll their eyes and say things like “not this subject again.” The newer friends who o made when I finally knew myself and my calling can listen for hours, ask me how my obsessive research is going, want to know if I ever found or figured out the answer to the question or mystery that had been eluding me.
I have kept only those older friends who truly like me, even though I drive them crazy sometimes and have to reign myself in. Only for them will I do that. I stick to pop culture, shopping, beauty, movies (new ones, not the old ones I’m obsessed with, lol), and food. It’s fine. It keeps me civilized. I’m not married to them, either!
Hi Heather,
I'm reading this and I totally get you! But why do I feel like her problem is kind of similar to the person writing in a couple posts ago on 'How can I feel fully loved and understood', VH, where she doesn't feel deeply loved by her husband? Doesn't she also feel like he isn't listening and this is the issue? Isn't her husband a blunty?
The final advice is quite different between the 2 articles here or I may be missing something. Because somehow I resonate with that writer, and this writer as well!
Such a great column! A big no to trying to make anyone else do anything they can't or don't want to do.
Sometimes you can't find that person even when you've been looking your whole life. Sometimes you just need to go within, for however long (or short), and be your own listener.
“They just don’t get it. They aren’t for you. Walk away. You have worlds inside you — swirling, colorful, mournful, generous, soaring, hopeful, searing, heartbreaking worlds. You cannot offer just a tiny slice of you. You cannot hold back the flood. You want to share those worlds. You are way too big, too complicated, too glorious and infinitely sad and unspeakably divine. You have to share all of it. Find someone worthy of all of it. Find someone who wants ALL OF IT.“
❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
Hearing your words, as a sisterly sharp knife, makes it all fall into place and make sense. Your column gives me hope and validation like nothing else. I couldn't be more grateful for the understanding, validation and truth telling you do. Thank Goddess For You and for this!!!! Healing balm and hope giving light you share.
One thing I really love for communication about relationship matters (not for sharing life story) is "non violent communication". I just listened to some podcasts about it and I just feel it has to be mentioned when discussing listening!
This isn’t about this post (although, of course, I took screenshots of all the poignant parts of it, like I do for every post) -- but, Heather, in case you’re reading this, I saw that you’ll be at the Brooklyn Book Festival on Sunday. I’m an artist who does live illustration of events. (Instagram is Coyneworks; I think you follow me on your IG account Real Ask Polly). Just saying -- I can’t wait to see you in person and draw your panel with Keith Gessen (!)!
My favourite Ask Polly ever. A classic, along with Lil Debbie Snack Cakes and Anchovies.
Have you ever published Lil Debbie Snack Cakes in this newsletter?
Heather, FYI looks like you already recycled this letter on Feb 3rd of this year.