"Don’t expect to get amazing results when you try to bring this good feeling into every relationship you have. You can be in the most honest and open state, one that brings you more joy than you thought was possible, and a lot of people will still treat you like you’re infected with a dangerous virus. Many people are extremely resistant to knowing what’s acting on them, and that makes them afraid of honesty. Anything direct you say will be encountered as pushy or manipulative. A lot of people simply don’t want to slow down and slice things up. A lot of people are uninterested in frank talk. A lot of people believe that they find peace by charging forward constantly. Let the many, many, many people who are nothing like you be the way they are without allowing your mind to fixate on WHY THEY ARE LIKE THAT."
I'm always trying to let go of wondering WHY THEY ARE LIKE THAT but this is the first time an explanation of the question's futility has been able to really sink in. Thank you, Polly!
“ I feel like there is no easy way for me to sit with uncertainty when it comes to being invested in someone else, especially if I have romantic feelings for them. This is because time and time again, in romantic pursuits, I hyper-fixate and self-sabotage, in the hopes that by being aware of the bad things or convincing myself of BAD LET'S DUMP, I will be less hurt. :)” OOF--IT ME. But I have been in the early stages of doing all that Heather suggests and while it’s EARLY I can say it feels like it’s working, like this pebble and this pebble and this little rock are actually becoming a foundation.
So many hugs and so many thanks to you for sharing this with us.🩵
Heather, this is so good. I'm so grateful you are in the world writing words at the same time I'm alive reading them. I especially loved that you broke down what you are saying week after week because I hear it in everything you write. Out with the shame, in with the forgiveness for being ourselves, and less trying to morph into something we aren't. I walk this path every day and while I am still in the thick of the hardest parts, I see the light at the end of the tunnel of loving myself for exactly who I am. You have helped tremendously with that. Just knowing there is someone out there who has felt the things I feel gives me such a sense of solidarity. It also gives me confidence that I can raise my daughter who also has big-smart-senstive-feelings in a home that honors her for exactly who she is. Thank you for being you and for doing what you do.
It feels like the world is full of people sharing therapy speak and terminology right now and while that is useful in many ways, I love how your column takes many of those same ideas and packages them in a way that feels very practical yet deep at the same time. Your writing says many of the same things I feel and experience in my own life as I've come to understand who I am at the core more and more. I am glad to know there are many many other people feeling and experiencing this or striving to reach for it because the real world is full of so many people who are not open to doing this work. I'm glad this column is a place for us to feel that work normalized.
As someone who also does not meditate regularly but DOES smell like patchouli...THANK YOU for these wise and beautiful reminders about shame and honesty.
"Don’t expect to get amazing results when you try to bring this good feeling into every relationship you have. You can be in the most honest and open state, one that brings you more joy than you thought was possible, and a lot of people will still treat you like you’re infected with a dangerous virus. Many people are extremely resistant to knowing what’s acting on them, and that makes them afraid of honesty. Anything direct you say will be encountered as pushy or manipulative. A lot of people simply don’t want to slow down and slice things up. A lot of people are uninterested in frank talk. A lot of people believe that they find peace by charging forward constantly. Let the many, many, many people who are nothing like you be the way they are without allowing your mind to fixate on WHY THEY ARE LIKE THAT."
I'm always trying to let go of wondering WHY THEY ARE LIKE THAT but this is the first time an explanation of the question's futility has been able to really sink in. Thank you, Polly!
“ I feel like there is no easy way for me to sit with uncertainty when it comes to being invested in someone else, especially if I have romantic feelings for them. This is because time and time again, in romantic pursuits, I hyper-fixate and self-sabotage, in the hopes that by being aware of the bad things or convincing myself of BAD LET'S DUMP, I will be less hurt. :)” OOF--IT ME. But I have been in the early stages of doing all that Heather suggests and while it’s EARLY I can say it feels like it’s working, like this pebble and this pebble and this little rock are actually becoming a foundation.
So many hugs and so many thanks to you for sharing this with us.🩵
Wow, Heather. Your last paragraph got me crying. Again!
Thank you.
Heather, this is so good. I'm so grateful you are in the world writing words at the same time I'm alive reading them. I especially loved that you broke down what you are saying week after week because I hear it in everything you write. Out with the shame, in with the forgiveness for being ourselves, and less trying to morph into something we aren't. I walk this path every day and while I am still in the thick of the hardest parts, I see the light at the end of the tunnel of loving myself for exactly who I am. You have helped tremendously with that. Just knowing there is someone out there who has felt the things I feel gives me such a sense of solidarity. It also gives me confidence that I can raise my daughter who also has big-smart-senstive-feelings in a home that honors her for exactly who she is. Thank you for being you and for doing what you do.
It feels like the world is full of people sharing therapy speak and terminology right now and while that is useful in many ways, I love how your column takes many of those same ideas and packages them in a way that feels very practical yet deep at the same time. Your writing says many of the same things I feel and experience in my own life as I've come to understand who I am at the core more and more. I am glad to know there are many many other people feeling and experiencing this or striving to reach for it because the real world is full of so many people who are not open to doing this work. I'm glad this column is a place for us to feel that work normalized.
As someone who also does not meditate regularly but DOES smell like patchouli...THANK YOU for these wise and beautiful reminders about shame and honesty.