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Yasmeen Fahmy's avatar

My mother was very similar with us (my brothers and I). One of the most painful aspects of learning to trust myself was this sensation of “leaving her behind.” Not physically—we live in driving distance to each other—but in her perspective on the world (dangerous, cruel, unstable, untrustworthy, punitive) and reinforcing my own perspective (mistakes are necessary for learning, some people are cruel and some aren’t, there is enough here for me, I can trust others, I’m safe).

Our conversations now have a bit of a tug of war dynamic where I have to embody light and she has to embody darkness but I don’t see how else we could stay connected. I don’t know if this same process will happen for LW but thought I’d share.

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Jolie Moore's avatar

I'll leave the career/work issues alone for now.

But please, PLEASE do not settle in your primary romantic relationship. My mother constantly told me that I couldn't care for myself, and at the same time insisted I choose the college/graduate school path she prescribed.

She pushed hard for me to follow the first guy who'd let me go with him. This guy who turned out to be very bad for me. She told me without someone to take care of me, I'd be homeless, jobless, and starving. I listened to that. I turned down a job at the Washington Post to go to a very small city, and cook and clean even though I had these insisted upon prestigious degrees. It's the greatest regret of my life, and the hardest mistake to rectify.

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