I can’t express how much I needed to read this today. I am very worked up over something that I feel like I should not be very worked up about and it’s making it hard to sleep, eat, etc. Thanks for making me feel less alone, LW and Polly 💖
May 16, 2023·edited May 16, 2023Liked by Heather Havrilesky
I'm going to say something controversial. How about she just lets herself be a person rather than trying to be a "power girl." I am disgusted when I see parents instill such lofty ideals into their children, whether it's "you're gonna be the president of the united states someday" or "anybody can be a baseball player" or "you're gonna be an honorable family man!". This person is hurting not because they don't feel good enough but because they were programmed with some very faulty expectations. Some of us don't want to be powerful. Some of us want to be who we really are. Kick our feet up. Do what we can. Enjoy life.
Since you brought it up...about aging. It's so weird and SO not like I thought it would be when I was younger. I was the girl that people said never aged. I got carded for booze well into my 30s. I'm now in my late 40s and those days are long gone, yes it caught up! But I always thought I'd just wake up one day and have wrinkles right? and gray hair? That's not even how it works! I still don't have those, but no one told me my neck and hands would get crepey. That I would wake up in the morning and new body parts would be achy for no reason. That your body begins to change and weight just sits on you differently. It's a trip for sure! It's not bad though, and it's gradual and the way you feel about it changes as the years go by. It used to terrify me and now I'm just leaning into it. Heather, you've helped a lot with that over the years, and for that I greatly thank you <3
It's my birthday tomorrow & I've been trying to regroup a bit after some serious self-pity myself, & you have no idea how much I needed this. It's like a gift. Thank you x
Heather, thank you for sharing your reaction to your husband questioning why you would let a picture of a random woman make you feel old. My wife has also made comments about feeling old after seeing younger women, and I hate to say that I responded just like your husband. However, I’m inspired by reaction:
“...I felt calm. I was curious about the dark sensations incited by those wedding photos full of sunshine and loveliness.... I also wanted to write about it in some way, because I know my writing is usually at its best when I welcome my passionate sensations into the room.”
Life is about being curious, it’s our only way to understand reality.
I have no idea why your posts ALWAYS come at the right time. Every time I am dealing with something that is very intense, your posts come in like a shining beacon of light, leading the path towards understanding why it is I am feeling what I am feeling.
It's almost scary...
But thank you again Heather, for a wonderful article. I've been struggling recently with dealing with my inner child/ Chimp as I'd like to call it- been reading a book called the Chimp Paradox which has also given me a better understanding of that little niggling inside my head. X
Heather, I loved this column, as usual. I’ve also been to a Glossier store and thought your NYT essay was spot on and hilarious! Was chuckling about it over breakfast :)
This column feels really important to me. Over the last 6-12 months, I've been working on "learning to love myself" and, along with getting better at paying attention to my positive qualities, have also been struggling with strong feelings of insecurity (or maybe I should say, increased awareness of strong feelings of insecurity). I've heard "love yourself as you are" many times (here and elsewhere), but for some reason it never clicked until reading this. The idea that my insecurities have value and are a part of who I am just never occurred to me. I always hesitate to proclaim too loudly "everything's going to be different now", but it does feel like a huge relief in the amount of weight I've been putting on myself. I hope that I can hold on to this feeling. Thank you LW & Polly.
I can’t express how much I needed to read this today. I am very worked up over something that I feel like I should not be very worked up about and it’s making it hard to sleep, eat, etc. Thanks for making me feel less alone, LW and Polly 💖
I'm going to say something controversial. How about she just lets herself be a person rather than trying to be a "power girl." I am disgusted when I see parents instill such lofty ideals into their children, whether it's "you're gonna be the president of the united states someday" or "anybody can be a baseball player" or "you're gonna be an honorable family man!". This person is hurting not because they don't feel good enough but because they were programmed with some very faulty expectations. Some of us don't want to be powerful. Some of us want to be who we really are. Kick our feet up. Do what we can. Enjoy life.
Since you brought it up...about aging. It's so weird and SO not like I thought it would be when I was younger. I was the girl that people said never aged. I got carded for booze well into my 30s. I'm now in my late 40s and those days are long gone, yes it caught up! But I always thought I'd just wake up one day and have wrinkles right? and gray hair? That's not even how it works! I still don't have those, but no one told me my neck and hands would get crepey. That I would wake up in the morning and new body parts would be achy for no reason. That your body begins to change and weight just sits on you differently. It's a trip for sure! It's not bad though, and it's gradual and the way you feel about it changes as the years go by. It used to terrify me and now I'm just leaning into it. Heather, you've helped a lot with that over the years, and for that I greatly thank you <3
It's my birthday tomorrow & I've been trying to regroup a bit after some serious self-pity myself, & you have no idea how much I needed this. It's like a gift. Thank you x
“You can’t only love your obvious strengths, the way your parents did.” 😭
Heather, thank you for sharing your reaction to your husband questioning why you would let a picture of a random woman make you feel old. My wife has also made comments about feeling old after seeing younger women, and I hate to say that I responded just like your husband. However, I’m inspired by reaction:
“...I felt calm. I was curious about the dark sensations incited by those wedding photos full of sunshine and loveliness.... I also wanted to write about it in some way, because I know my writing is usually at its best when I welcome my passionate sensations into the room.”
Life is about being curious, it’s our only way to understand reality.
I have no idea why your posts ALWAYS come at the right time. Every time I am dealing with something that is very intense, your posts come in like a shining beacon of light, leading the path towards understanding why it is I am feeling what I am feeling.
It's almost scary...
But thank you again Heather, for a wonderful article. I've been struggling recently with dealing with my inner child/ Chimp as I'd like to call it- been reading a book called the Chimp Paradox which has also given me a better understanding of that little niggling inside my head. X
Heather, I loved this column, as usual. I’ve also been to a Glossier store and thought your NYT essay was spot on and hilarious! Was chuckling about it over breakfast :)
This column feels really important to me. Over the last 6-12 months, I've been working on "learning to love myself" and, along with getting better at paying attention to my positive qualities, have also been struggling with strong feelings of insecurity (or maybe I should say, increased awareness of strong feelings of insecurity). I've heard "love yourself as you are" many times (here and elsewhere), but for some reason it never clicked until reading this. The idea that my insecurities have value and are a part of who I am just never occurred to me. I always hesitate to proclaim too loudly "everything's going to be different now", but it does feel like a huge relief in the amount of weight I've been putting on myself. I hope that I can hold on to this feeling. Thank you LW & Polly.