I still have a big issue in deciding whether TO GHOSE OR NOT TO GHOST - obviously depending on what they did. I probably would have ghosted your friend who talked mad shit about you behind your back.
A part of me still resonates with this post. I believe conflict is a time to learn and grow and become more attuned to ourselves and each other.
But I used to go to people, ask for clarification, so I understand what they meant (they always mean the mean shit they do), and ask them to stop. They either doubled down or decided to drop me. There was no mutual relationship preservation. I have never had someone who turned their shit around.
It took me a while to learn about myself in navigating contemptuous, dogshit-ass behavior in relationships, and unfortunately, it has been well worth throwing the baby out with the water.
Nowadays, if you show that you don't like me or you have little to no respect for me, then it is time for me to accept it for what it is and leave you the fuck alone.
I would be disrespecting myself by TRYING to continue being "friends" with someone who treats me and speaks of me in ways I wouldn't think of doing to them.
my comment somewhere on the feed was inspired by this by you - perhaps we need more practice or something, but I've concluded that logical empathetic advice that sounds like it should work somehow doesn't...
Such good and powerful advice! Gathering the courage to say the thing without any expectation of what the response will be has been the biggest thing I have done to learn to trust myself. I am saying the thing out loud, so that I can hold on to myself, if it improves a relationship then that is a bonus, but at the very least I have been a good friend to myself.
great advice - but theoretical, seems to me (bit long-winded too) - have tried similar explaining how I felt and result was other person confirmed in thinking I'm in the wrong, no mutual, no acknowledgment or understanding - now I just ghost, or smile&nod, and my realization is that nobody-gives-a-shit.
yeah, bitter, but people are as they are, do what they do, they have no interest in feedback or asking for clarification...got past big things with a couple of good friends, one of whom tolerated my bad behaviour on several occasions and one whose bad behaviour on several occasions I just checked off to temperament&circumstances...
I'm 89 now, so I'm not even interested in trying any more...I tolerate up to a point, then the wall goes up
As someone who hates confrontations and is really trying to get better at them, this was a great read! Thank you. I recently got ghosted mid-conversation and while that sucked, it also gave me clarity on where that relationship was heading.
I still have a big issue in deciding whether TO GHOSE OR NOT TO GHOST - obviously depending on what they did. I probably would have ghosted your friend who talked mad shit about you behind your back.
A part of me still resonates with this post. I believe conflict is a time to learn and grow and become more attuned to ourselves and each other.
But I used to go to people, ask for clarification, so I understand what they meant (they always mean the mean shit they do), and ask them to stop. They either doubled down or decided to drop me. There was no mutual relationship preservation. I have never had someone who turned their shit around.
It took me a while to learn about myself in navigating contemptuous, dogshit-ass behavior in relationships, and unfortunately, it has been well worth throwing the baby out with the water.
Nowadays, if you show that you don't like me or you have little to no respect for me, then it is time for me to accept it for what it is and leave you the fuck alone.
I would be disrespecting myself by TRYING to continue being "friends" with someone who treats me and speaks of me in ways I wouldn't think of doing to them.
my comment somewhere on the feed was inspired by this by you - perhaps we need more practice or something, but I've concluded that logical empathetic advice that sounds like it should work somehow doesn't...
Such good and powerful advice! Gathering the courage to say the thing without any expectation of what the response will be has been the biggest thing I have done to learn to trust myself. I am saying the thing out loud, so that I can hold on to myself, if it improves a relationship then that is a bonus, but at the very least I have been a good friend to myself.
This is great advice. So good
This was good. I love the PLAIN SPEAK.
These pieces never miss. I am in awe of the Heather's brain.
great advice - but theoretical, seems to me (bit long-winded too) - have tried similar explaining how I felt and result was other person confirmed in thinking I'm in the wrong, no mutual, no acknowledgment or understanding - now I just ghost, or smile&nod, and my realization is that nobody-gives-a-shit.
yeah, bitter, but people are as they are, do what they do, they have no interest in feedback or asking for clarification...got past big things with a couple of good friends, one of whom tolerated my bad behaviour on several occasions and one whose bad behaviour on several occasions I just checked off to temperament&circumstances...
I'm 89 now, so I'm not even interested in trying any more...I tolerate up to a point, then the wall goes up
As someone who hates confrontations and is really trying to get better at them, this was a great read! Thank you. I recently got ghosted mid-conversation and while that sucked, it also gave me clarity on where that relationship was heading.