Overachievers and people pleasers, this is your early warning to lower your impossibly high standards and keep them low until this JOYOUS (ugh) season is over!
This is helpful for an expat Californian (and fellow high strung people pleaser) spending the annual Christmas with Brits who's go-to expression of dysfunction are various forms of passive aggression. Mostly older generation. My partner and his siblings (and myself) are trying to be the cycle breakers. I will definitely repeat "Let the world remain confused forever" to myself this week! Thanks Heather!
There's also the favorite chestnut "Bless your heart" for when someone starts something. I've taken to saying "Thank you for your feedback", and leave it be.
As a people pleaser and over explainer, this list is perfect. Thank you.
As someone trained from a young age to have endless compassion, understanding, and forgiveness for my parent but not for myself, #1 isn’t always the best idea for my sanity tbh. If I think any more from their perspective I run a real risk of losing my sense of self. Keep It Moving is the name of the game for me, so I’m spending the holidays politely saying “Hm yes that must be difficult! Unfortunately, I can’t solve it for you and I don’t really want to talk about it anymore. Please pass the wine! Oh look, a television show!”
As an avid Ask Molly reader, I was so excited to see Froth in the NY times! However, I am sad they edited out the part where the yes-men were also ass-men. I mean, I get why it had to go, but I will always treasure the original version. ;-)
Yeah. Very true. All of it. Family is just plain hard. Over the years I’ve learned to just roll with the punches. I’m the weird black-sheep; the tattooed writer. My sister’s the perfect one. (Which is totally absurd.) My mom is the conductor of the whole show. My father detaches from it all. My niece n nephew want all the attention. My sister is manic and ADD and drinks too much. Shall I continue? 😆
The best thing I can do is LET GO. I don’t have to participate or change anyone (good luck) or make things perfect (ibid). All I have to do is be present, smile, have superficial conversation for a few hours, and go home. It’s theatre. The less you engage with it emotionally, wanting things to be a certain way, the easier it becomes.
This is helpful for an expat Californian (and fellow high strung people pleaser) spending the annual Christmas with Brits who's go-to expression of dysfunction are various forms of passive aggression. Mostly older generation. My partner and his siblings (and myself) are trying to be the cycle breakers. I will definitely repeat "Let the world remain confused forever" to myself this week! Thanks Heather!
There's also the favorite chestnut "Bless your heart" for when someone starts something. I've taken to saying "Thank you for your feedback", and leave it be.
As a people pleaser and over explainer, this list is perfect. Thank you.
As someone trained from a young age to have endless compassion, understanding, and forgiveness for my parent but not for myself, #1 isn’t always the best idea for my sanity tbh. If I think any more from their perspective I run a real risk of losing my sense of self. Keep It Moving is the name of the game for me, so I’m spending the holidays politely saying “Hm yes that must be difficult! Unfortunately, I can’t solve it for you and I don’t really want to talk about it anymore. Please pass the wine! Oh look, a television show!”
As an avid Ask Molly reader, I was so excited to see Froth in the NY times! However, I am sad they edited out the part where the yes-men were also ass-men. I mean, I get why it had to go, but I will always treasure the original version. ;-)
Yeah. Very true. All of it. Family is just plain hard. Over the years I’ve learned to just roll with the punches. I’m the weird black-sheep; the tattooed writer. My sister’s the perfect one. (Which is totally absurd.) My mom is the conductor of the whole show. My father detaches from it all. My niece n nephew want all the attention. My sister is manic and ADD and drinks too much. Shall I continue? 😆
The best thing I can do is LET GO. I don’t have to participate or change anyone (good luck) or make things perfect (ibid). All I have to do is be present, smile, have superficial conversation for a few hours, and go home. It’s theatre. The less you engage with it emotionally, wanting things to be a certain way, the easier it becomes.
Michael Mohr
‘The Incompatibility of Being Alive’
https://reallife82.substack.com/