Six Vibe Shifts For 2026!

This year, I'm determined to make some dramatic changes to how I live. What do you want to change?

Jan 02, 2026

Figures by the Sea (1931), Pablo Picasso

Today I’m writing down all of my ambitions and ideas for the new year. They’re not resolutions. I don’t need an oppressive to-do list hanging over my head. What I’m trying to capture is a willful shift in how I move, breathe, consider the unknown, explore, and take up space this year. I’m already rolling my eyes at those words, but they’re honest so let’s sally forth with vigor!

AMBIVALENCE.

Feeling conflicted is a good thing. It means that you’re letting in contradictory ideas, images, themes, emotions, vibes, and forces. When you respect your own ambivalence, you respect the enormity of the tides that surge and crash inside you and around you every day. You wake up with new ideas and unpredictable moods and fresh fixations every morning. You’re a person with darkness onboard that clashes with your optimism. It’s natural and habitual to want to crush or dismiss or hide your anger, fear, annoyance, and dissatisfaction. By allowing space and time for these feelings to ripen in front of you -- without telling controlling, escapist, dismissive, agitated, or neurotic “I WILL SOLVE THIS!” stories about them – you learn more about showing up for uncertainty and even pain. Instead of resisting the complexity of the sea inside you, greet those unexpected and unpredictable monsters with love, patience, and the deep certainty that they’re part of what makes you whole, brilliant, and capable of growth and joy.

For me, this means: You’re often an impatient, intolerant curmudgeon out of the blue. Let the grumpy old bitch in the door. Give her somewhere comfortable to lounge. But don’t try to analyze or solve her problems for her. There is nothing inherently wrong with feeling pissed off, fed up, irritated, chippy, chafed, flinty, or flummoxed. Feel what you feel without turning it into a problem or project. Let the motherfucking blood-dimmed tide roll in and let it roll out without defining your entire identity around it or apologizing for being a regular, flawed human like any other.

SOBRIETY.

I’m not giving up drinking for good, but I have a brand new enthusiasm for the energy and sharpness of staying completely sober throughout the course of a very social night. I notice more, I feel more, I see more, I remember more. So spending more of this year sober, for me, is less about taking something away and more about adding: adding more light, more energy, more sound, more vibrant joy that doesn’t sour or fade or become blurry.

I’ve always loved a strong drink and a good buzz and I probably always will. I’m not struggling with my drinking at this moment and I’m never tempted to have more than two drinks in one sitting. I’m far less interested in the idea of battling booze’s influence in my life and far more interested in being completely aware, present, and clear-headed every day and seeing how that changes my overall outlook, my creative energy, and all of my other habits.

I don’t have a lot of flowery words to offer on this particular front because it’s unfamiliar territory. But I guess that’s why it appeals to me. Which leads us to our next idea:

NOVELTY.

The word “novelty” and the word “novice” go hand in hand: Being bad at things just means that you’re a courageous explorer who doesn’t mind stumbling and falling in pursuit of the new and the unknown. This year I want to be bad at a bunch of new things. I want to describe my flailings and failings with you here, so you can share in the joy of being terrible at brand new pursuits and become a beginner over and over again throughout your life.

I used to think that tackling a new goal, interest, passion, or hobby was inherently embarrassing. The novice phase was something you had to grit your teeth and speed through, so you could quickly become an expert instead of an amateur.

These days, not only don’t I think that way, but I love the first phase of learning, when everything is new and overwhelming and everyone knows so much more than you do. Four times a week I go to the lap pool and marvel at what incredible swimmers are gliding swiftly past me. I love to sit at my pottery wheel and try something a little outside of my comfort zone. I’m also taking a long novel course that includes slowly and painstakingly rewriting my work until it’s not just acceptable but actually exciting to me.

No one gets anywhere or does anything worthwhile without being a flailing novice for years first. That never occurred to me when I was younger, or I felt that I was already too behind to start. What a sad lie that is! Because slow, hard work and focus lie at the center of so many of life’s deepest satisfactions. I had no idea it was possible to savor your novice years. You don’t have to rush things. You can relish the joy of knowing nothing, of basking in a world of knowledge that belongs to others, of trying clumsily and failing, of being humbled by what an amateur you are. Each experience and each discovery is precious.

This year, I’m excited to wander and explore and be humbled by everything I don’t know.

SEX.

I almost never write about sex! But I woke up yesterday with the thought, “My motto this year should be ‘More sober, more sex!’” I’m not sure where that came from, but I’m running with it!

Upon reflection, it makes sense that I paired these two things together, because sobriety and sex are all about presence. When you’re drunk or madly in love, you move blindly toward consuming what you desire without much focus or conscious effort. But when you’re sober and either single or in a very long-term, established relationship like I am, you have to cultivate intimacy (with another person or with yourself), welcome sensation, banish shame, trust your body, and open your mind to new erotic adventures.

Emphasizing MORE SEX in the new year doesn’t have to mean fucking all day, every day or finding your one true love at last. It can simply mean that you’re going to try to notice your body, trust your body, enjoy your body, and feel grateful for all of the unexpected, unpredictable sensations and feelings that your body brings you. For me, announcing “MORE SEX!” is halfway comical, but it’s also (quite seriously!) a way of saying “I’m still here and I want to worship the miracle of having a body as much as possible!”

But it goes beyond that. “More sex!” also means “Sex is an art!” and “Great art is sexy!” and “When I worship sex, I am an artist!” and “When I worship art, I honor my body and refresh my capacity for love and joy!” You can write off all of these words as a burst of refrigerator magnet poetry if you want, and I won’t blame you for it. But the sublime erotic sensations that your body is capable of are a form of art, and I want to encourage you, even if you’re a novice, to dare to explore and learn and be humbled by those sensations in the year ahead.

SPIRIT.

This year, I want to clear some space for forces I don’t understand. I feel like one of my great strengths is that I’m open to what I don’t know yet, and I welcome new ideas with a lot of enthusiasm. I’d like for this column to explore and embrace other people’s belief systems and areas of passionate conviction more, because I think we all need something to believe in these days, and passionate people inspire more passion in the world.

I’m not sure what shape a commitment to spirit will take yet, but I’m excited to find out.

COMMUNITY.

As a reformed control freak who loves solitude, the word “community” has never done much for me, and I like it even less now that it so often doubles as a marketing buzzword. That said, I feel very strongly that Ask Polly is a place where smart, sensitive, complex people can find solace and understanding that might not exist in other shared spaces.

Many of us are NOT joiners or team players. Nevertheless, we all need to dare to join at least one or two communities in real life, and to endure the trials and tribulations of showing up for those communities in spite of their many taxing traits. Being around other people, even when they drive you nuts, is good for you, full stop. I never really wanted to do it, but now that I do, it’s changed me dramatically. I want to keep that up.

But I also want this Substack to be a place where you can talk to people who UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. If you connect with my words, then you have more than a little in common with other readers here. I want to make sure that we all dare to show ourselves to each other without fear, and dare to offer encouragement, positive input, and a sympathetic ear to each other whenever possible. I would love for more friendships to grow from this site, too; let’s talk about how to make that happen in the comments, along with everything new and scary and thrilling and strange you want to try in the new year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Explore boldly, feel your fear, be a novice, be humbled, be grumpy, and keep coming back for more. Enjoy every sublime moment of this dark, confusing, deliriously sensual life.

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In the comments, tell me more about how you want to change your habits and support your passionate heart this year. You support my passionate heart when you subscribe!