Science has shown that without our thinking brain, we can still survive, but we cannot survive without our feeling brain. That tells me that the secret to self knowledge is in our deepest feelings. And when we "denigrate, diminish, ignore, bury, or block", we deny ourselves the guidance we very likely needed, up-front.
It is critically important to attend to your emotions. You may like them or be dismayed. This does not matter. Pay attention! Don't stuff your stuff, as was said in bygone days.
Interesting that Polly was impressed by the apparent openness and disclosures of public personas. Interesting in that we see so much of people in the altogether at this point that having a look at feelings provides an intimacy that cavorting naked just does not.
It is good to aspire to being open and authentic with others and, it can be hoped, each of us will meet and affiliate with people in our lives who will attend to us and accept us in that way, and we can reciprocate.
Not all people are so constituted. Choose wisely, and guard your heart.
Cultivating emotional knowledge and range is critical to creating a good life. But it is not all. Use all parts of yourself to the best of your ability. Eventually, you may alchemize many disparate parts into wisdom.
I graduated college over 15 years ago and this feels so prescient to me right now. At 22 so much of what you’re saying about respecting your own feelings would have been completely alien to me. At 39, it’s still a work in progress but I finally have a real embodied understanding of what you’re talking about 😭
Also 39, and currently dealing with some part of me feeling anxious and constantly trying to draw my attention. I spent most of the day feeling annoyed with it for “trying to derail me from my work”. Thanks for the reminder to be respectful!
To answer your question about where I got the information about the thinking vs. feeling brain, it was from neurosurgeon Dr. Rahul Jandial. He spoke of it in one of his interviews - I didn't read about it. But it jumped out at me, and I've been observing its truthfulness, ever since. Surprisingly, I still have one of those interviews: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYalx8bvEyg
This hit like a truth gong in a monastery full of emotionally constipated monks. Thank you for dismantling the cultural lie that strength = suppression. The moment I stopped treating my emotions like unruly interns and started honoring them like sacred messengers, everything changed. Still messy, still intense—but finally alive. Appreciate how you named the real culprits too: the broken managers, parents, and leaders who were just kids taught to choke down their feelings. May we all learn to take off the itchy pants and listen to the music of our own weird, wonderful hearts.
From childhood, emotionality is a derogatory term. We are taught that it is useless, even destructive, and incompetent to pay too much attention to emotions. When a person cares about emotions, she is seen as lacking strength.
Later, I found that if a person does not even have the courage to face his true self, then he is truly fragile. The true emotions deep in our hearts tell us what we care about and what we want. They guide our lives and drive us to solve problems. People always want to avoid pain, and some emotions are satisfactory to describe, or even difficult to perceive. Respecting one's own emotions requires a lifetime of learning and practice. I felt very seen in this. thank you for writing it.
I've thought about this essay ever since I read it. Negative emotions are still the most frightening emotions to experience and certainly to even share. Your encouraging words are treasured.
On the working on onerous tasks part, I've noticed when I accept my emotions more it magically makes it easier to work on those tasks. For me a lot of mental energy can go into trying to control different emotions, and when that is freed up, I suddenly mind so much less about working on boring tasks. I also feel like I work through them quickly in order to get back to building the life I want, rather than procrastinate on them while mulling in low-level anxiety.
I'm absolutely not perfect in this but noticing the difference is interesting and motivating. It really feels like accepting emotions is just a full win-win, even though it is so hard to do.
Emotions are like coming down to the huge bazaar at Tabriz at the end of the Silk Road and finding magic silken carpets that allow you to move onto the wind-horse currents and fly away, invoking all the magic you have seen so far.
LIKE THIS: “When we regard thoughts and emotions with humor and openness, that’s how we perceive the universe. This opening to the world begins to benefit ourselves and others simultaneously. The more we relate with others, the more quickly we discover where we’re blocked. Seeing this is helpful, but it’s also painful. Sometimes we use it as ammunition against ourselves: we aren’t kind, we aren’t honest, we aren’t brave, and we might as well give up right now. But when we apply the instruction to be soft and nonjudgmental to whatever we see at this very moment, the embarrassing reflection in the mirror becomes our friend. We soften further and lighten up more, because we know it’s the only way we can continue to work with others and be of any benefit in the world. This is the beginning of growing up.”
Science has shown that without our thinking brain, we can still survive, but we cannot survive without our feeling brain. That tells me that the secret to self knowledge is in our deepest feelings. And when we "denigrate, diminish, ignore, bury, or block", we deny ourselves the guidance we very likely needed, up-front.
I would love to read more about this. Do you have any links or search terms that would be useful for this data?
Do you just mean the limbic system? What do you mean by “survive”?
I, or rather the neurosurgeon who teaches this, meant "survive." Cannot live. Will die.
Now this is metal.
I got your message request but I can't look at it without downloading the app
:P
It is critically important to attend to your emotions. You may like them or be dismayed. This does not matter. Pay attention! Don't stuff your stuff, as was said in bygone days.
Interesting that Polly was impressed by the apparent openness and disclosures of public personas. Interesting in that we see so much of people in the altogether at this point that having a look at feelings provides an intimacy that cavorting naked just does not.
It is good to aspire to being open and authentic with others and, it can be hoped, each of us will meet and affiliate with people in our lives who will attend to us and accept us in that way, and we can reciprocate.
Not all people are so constituted. Choose wisely, and guard your heart.
Cultivating emotional knowledge and range is critical to creating a good life. But it is not all. Use all parts of yourself to the best of your ability. Eventually, you may alchemize many disparate parts into wisdom.
I graduated college over 15 years ago and this feels so prescient to me right now. At 22 so much of what you’re saying about respecting your own feelings would have been completely alien to me. At 39, it’s still a work in progress but I finally have a real embodied understanding of what you’re talking about 😭
Also 39, and currently dealing with some part of me feeling anxious and constantly trying to draw my attention. I spent most of the day feeling annoyed with it for “trying to derail me from my work”. Thanks for the reminder to be respectful!
To answer your question about where I got the information about the thinking vs. feeling brain, it was from neurosurgeon Dr. Rahul Jandial. He spoke of it in one of his interviews - I didn't read about it. But it jumped out at me, and I've been observing its truthfulness, ever since. Surprisingly, I still have one of those interviews: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYalx8bvEyg
Thank you :)
🙌🙌🙌🩷🩷
This hit like a truth gong in a monastery full of emotionally constipated monks. Thank you for dismantling the cultural lie that strength = suppression. The moment I stopped treating my emotions like unruly interns and started honoring them like sacred messengers, everything changed. Still messy, still intense—but finally alive. Appreciate how you named the real culprits too: the broken managers, parents, and leaders who were just kids taught to choke down their feelings. May we all learn to take off the itchy pants and listen to the music of our own weird, wonderful hearts.
Thank you. I love and needed this. - I’m 61 ♥️
57
One of your best! This is a keeper. Thank you.
I don't have the app, either. I do know this is not a user-friendly website.
From childhood, emotionality is a derogatory term. We are taught that it is useless, even destructive, and incompetent to pay too much attention to emotions. When a person cares about emotions, she is seen as lacking strength.
Later, I found that if a person does not even have the courage to face his true self, then he is truly fragile. The true emotions deep in our hearts tell us what we care about and what we want. They guide our lives and drive us to solve problems. People always want to avoid pain, and some emotions are satisfactory to describe, or even difficult to perceive. Respecting one's own emotions requires a lifetime of learning and practice. I felt very seen in this. thank you for writing it.
I've thought about this essay ever since I read it. Negative emotions are still the most frightening emotions to experience and certainly to even share. Your encouraging words are treasured.
On the working on onerous tasks part, I've noticed when I accept my emotions more it magically makes it easier to work on those tasks. For me a lot of mental energy can go into trying to control different emotions, and when that is freed up, I suddenly mind so much less about working on boring tasks. I also feel like I work through them quickly in order to get back to building the life I want, rather than procrastinate on them while mulling in low-level anxiety.
I'm absolutely not perfect in this but noticing the difference is interesting and motivating. It really feels like accepting emotions is just a full win-win, even though it is so hard to do.
Emotions are like coming down to the huge bazaar at Tabriz at the end of the Silk Road and finding magic silken carpets that allow you to move onto the wind-horse currents and fly away, invoking all the magic you have seen so far.
LIKE THIS: “When we regard thoughts and emotions with humor and openness, that’s how we perceive the universe. This opening to the world begins to benefit ourselves and others simultaneously. The more we relate with others, the more quickly we discover where we’re blocked. Seeing this is helpful, but it’s also painful. Sometimes we use it as ammunition against ourselves: we aren’t kind, we aren’t honest, we aren’t brave, and we might as well give up right now. But when we apply the instruction to be soft and nonjudgmental to whatever we see at this very moment, the embarrassing reflection in the mirror becomes our friend. We soften further and lighten up more, because we know it’s the only way we can continue to work with others and be of any benefit in the world. This is the beginning of growing up.”
― Pema Chödrön