Hi, Horribly Typical grandma here about to fulfill a dream of moving to be near my gradchildren and all 3 (yes! In the same town!) of my children but somehow I forgot how much moving sucks. Also I didnt/dont love my city of 30 yrs anymore but found myself sobbing with grief to leave it at 2am today. My sweet house! My cute yard! Oh no, what have I done!?! I SCHEDULED A BON VOYAGE PARTY!? Why would I ever do that!?! Aaaarrrrggghhhh
Moving is such a strange grief. You can want the future deeply and still mourn the soil you’ve grown roots in. Both can be true. The 2am sobbing doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice — it just means you loved where you were.🤍
This is so true. I've been mourning my time in LA lately because it feels so far in the past now. I know I'm in the right place but I have such strong feelings for that era. It's so surreal and difficult to move! I feel like this is my home and I belong here, but that was where I belonged for two decades. It's not either/ or, though. I can love LA and my past there just as much as I ever did without living there.
Places, people, pets, many aspects of life are of a season for sure. Its still all so devastating and then -dammit!- like Teresa said, so numbingly trite.
I am terrified but yes, there is always something to be terrified at 2am about, bravery isnt avoiding fear it is doing the scary thing anyway, at least that's the cliche, right?!
Horribly typical grandma, I rename you Beautifully Brave Grandma. I’m struggling with the move to follow grandchildren. To willingly jump into the unknown from a perfectly comfortable and stable place is terrifying! Good luck with your move. I so admire your bravery.
"One of the worst things about the internet is that it teaches us to see every aspect of the human condition as stereotypical. Our most fundamental battles and tribulations as humans were once honored in great literature; now we’re exposed to millions of snide jesters who turn shared rites of passage into disposable punchlines."
Oh gosh. As someone who's spent a lot of time self-deprecatingly saying things like "local woman discovers [people are complicated, endless laundry, grief, etc], news at eleven"... what a wonderful way to put it.
"Our most fundamental battles and tribulations as humans were once honored in great literature; now we’re exposed to millions of snide jesters who turn shared rites of passage into disposable punchlines."
I love this particular sentence so much. I'm reading Anna Karenina for the first time, and the thing that keeps striking me about it is that the story and themes make the book feel like it could have been written yesterday. The book is a nice reminder that none of us are alone, and that our feelings and experiences are worthy of being taken very seriously (to the tune of being sprawled out over nearly 1,000 pages)!
I appreciate everyone's vibing over A.K. whilst avoiding any spoilers. It's one of those books I'm excited to still have ahead of me. Maybe this is the year!
You should totally read it!! I think it's a book you can appreciate more as you grow and have lots of life experiences. I don't think I would have loved it as much if I'd read it when I was younger, frankly.
I had the same feeling when I read Anna Karenina. Humans don't change... Isn't it crazy that you can relate to a book written in such a different time and place??
Yes!! The nuance with which he talks about people's emotions, and how they can shift and change both over long periods time and even just within minutes or hours, is so incredible. We really don't change.
Thanks Polly for this important reminder: at some point or another, we’re all walking clichés. And it’s exactly those supposedly embarrassing experiences that connect us.
This is for Teresa! So you know you aren’t alone, my husband, soon to be ex, waited until I was 69 and we had been married 43years. His high school sweetheart, it seems, aged better than I had. I am the happiest I have been in 50 years!
Another embarrassing stereotype of a middle-aged lady in the house!
My husband informed me ON my 49th birthday that he was leaving me; he was out the next day. I was completely blindsided.
That was more than 5 years ago, so I've healed quite a bit since then (for anybody in a similar situation, it truly gets better) and now I'm happier than EVER in my adult life. Turns out, all I needed to do was trade in the husband for a rescue dog (half-Doberman and half-German Shepherd, who is sensitive like me and we get each other through this scary world).
I love this story of the ex canceling the credit card when the Ask Polly subscription was one of the things that kept our heroine going...thanks so much for sharing Polly. What a world we live in!
I love having/hearing about stereotypical experiences!! I think it's what builds community and connects us to other people. My saddest days were as a very lonely teenager where I felt like nobody had ever gone through what I went through or felt what I felt (which is, in itself, a very stereotypical experience) and the thought of having no guidance and nobody to relate to felt horrible! I love being a human surrounded by other humans and figuring out my life along with everyone else.
There are so many people in the world. We are uniquely ourselves and unimaginably very much like MANY other people.
Here’s how this fact came to light for me:
I was being abused by an intimate partner. Something got me to FINALLY go to a drop-in support group for victims. The facilitators understand what it takes to show up. They ask nothing of new attendees. We can sit and be silent.
I was silent and listened.
The women who spoke that week shared the traumatic interactions they had with their abusers. I was shocked.
Shocked because their experiences were EXACTLY, STRIKINGLY like mine.
It was as if they all graduated from some abuse academy, with take home pamphlets of what to say to your intimate partner to get her to submit to abuse.
We are all stereotypical because there just are so many people. There will always be many just like us.
And yet, we each have a spark of devine that is beautifully unique. ✨
This is so true. I sometime feel like it's so idiotic when I'm my own worst enemy. Like it's something so basic I should have conquered already. But it's a tale as old as time, and something humans since day one have struggled with (see Icarus haha)
Hi, Horribly Typical grandma here about to fulfill a dream of moving to be near my gradchildren and all 3 (yes! In the same town!) of my children but somehow I forgot how much moving sucks. Also I didnt/dont love my city of 30 yrs anymore but found myself sobbing with grief to leave it at 2am today. My sweet house! My cute yard! Oh no, what have I done!?! I SCHEDULED A BON VOYAGE PARTY!? Why would I ever do that!?! Aaaarrrrggghhhh
Thanks Teresa, me too.
Moving is such a strange grief. You can want the future deeply and still mourn the soil you’ve grown roots in. Both can be true. The 2am sobbing doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice — it just means you loved where you were.🤍
This is so true. I've been mourning my time in LA lately because it feels so far in the past now. I know I'm in the right place but I have such strong feelings for that era. It's so surreal and difficult to move! I feel like this is my home and I belong here, but that was where I belonged for two decades. It's not either/ or, though. I can love LA and my past there just as much as I ever did without living there.
Places, people, pets, many aspects of life are of a season for sure. Its still all so devastating and then -dammit!- like Teresa said, so numbingly trite.
I am terrified but yes, there is always something to be terrified at 2am about, bravery isnt avoiding fear it is doing the scary thing anyway, at least that's the cliche, right?!
Horribly typical grandma, I rename you Beautifully Brave Grandma. I’m struggling with the move to follow grandchildren. To willingly jump into the unknown from a perfectly comfortable and stable place is terrifying! Good luck with your move. I so admire your bravery.
"One of the worst things about the internet is that it teaches us to see every aspect of the human condition as stereotypical. Our most fundamental battles and tribulations as humans were once honored in great literature; now we’re exposed to millions of snide jesters who turn shared rites of passage into disposable punchlines."
Oh gosh. As someone who's spent a lot of time self-deprecatingly saying things like "local woman discovers [people are complicated, endless laundry, grief, etc], news at eleven"... what a wonderful way to put it.
"Our most fundamental battles and tribulations as humans were once honored in great literature; now we’re exposed to millions of snide jesters who turn shared rites of passage into disposable punchlines."
I love this particular sentence so much. I'm reading Anna Karenina for the first time, and the thing that keeps striking me about it is that the story and themes make the book feel like it could have been written yesterday. The book is a nice reminder that none of us are alone, and that our feelings and experiences are worthy of being taken very seriously (to the tune of being sprawled out over nearly 1,000 pages)!
Came here to say AK does this to me too!!!!
I appreciate everyone's vibing over A.K. whilst avoiding any spoilers. It's one of those books I'm excited to still have ahead of me. Maybe this is the year!
You should totally read it!! I think it's a book you can appreciate more as you grow and have lots of life experiences. I don't think I would have loved it as much if I'd read it when I was younger, frankly.
I had the same feeling when I read Anna Karenina. Humans don't change... Isn't it crazy that you can relate to a book written in such a different time and place??
Yes!! The nuance with which he talks about people's emotions, and how they can shift and change both over long periods time and even just within minutes or hours, is so incredible. We really don't change.
Thank you Polly - feels like I just talked to a good friend. ❤️
This column just gets better and better. What an amazing community you have cultivated, Heather. I wish we could meet up irl
WELP this made me cry at my desk and resubscribe myself. Thank you Polly and thank you Teresa!
Thank you, Linds!!!
Thanks Polly for this important reminder: at some point or another, we’re all walking clichés. And it’s exactly those supposedly embarrassing experiences that connect us.
Loved reading about the badassery of Teresa the tax preparer! Way to overcome. Thanks for sharing this funny story. Also great idea for a scam lol
W O W
This is for Teresa! So you know you aren’t alone, my husband, soon to be ex, waited until I was 69 and we had been married 43years. His high school sweetheart, it seems, aged better than I had. I am the happiest I have been in 50 years!
Thank you! It’s why I write-so someone else knows they’re not alone.
Thank you!!
Another embarrassing stereotype of a middle-aged lady in the house!
My husband informed me ON my 49th birthday that he was leaving me; he was out the next day. I was completely blindsided.
That was more than 5 years ago, so I've healed quite a bit since then (for anybody in a similar situation, it truly gets better) and now I'm happier than EVER in my adult life. Turns out, all I needed to do was trade in the husband for a rescue dog (half-Doberman and half-German Shepherd, who is sensitive like me and we get each other through this scary world).
I love this story of the ex canceling the credit card when the Ask Polly subscription was one of the things that kept our heroine going...thanks so much for sharing Polly. What a world we live in!
I love having/hearing about stereotypical experiences!! I think it's what builds community and connects us to other people. My saddest days were as a very lonely teenager where I felt like nobody had ever gone through what I went through or felt what I felt (which is, in itself, a very stereotypical experience) and the thought of having no guidance and nobody to relate to felt horrible! I love being a human surrounded by other humans and figuring out my life along with everyone else.
P.S.: Teresa, you rock!
One of the advantages of caring about your subscribers.
Omigod this is beautiful
Like so beautiful
I’m a hardcore advocate for divorce and I’m so glad it set you free
Here’s to many more beers with friends who get it 🍻
There are so many people in the world. We are uniquely ourselves and unimaginably very much like MANY other people.
Here’s how this fact came to light for me:
I was being abused by an intimate partner. Something got me to FINALLY go to a drop-in support group for victims. The facilitators understand what it takes to show up. They ask nothing of new attendees. We can sit and be silent.
I was silent and listened.
The women who spoke that week shared the traumatic interactions they had with their abusers. I was shocked.
Shocked because their experiences were EXACTLY, STRIKINGLY like mine.
It was as if they all graduated from some abuse academy, with take home pamphlets of what to say to your intimate partner to get her to submit to abuse.
We are all stereotypical because there just are so many people. There will always be many just like us.
And yet, we each have a spark of devine that is beautifully unique. ✨
This is so true. I sometime feel like it's so idiotic when I'm my own worst enemy. Like it's something so basic I should have conquered already. But it's a tale as old as time, and something humans since day one have struggled with (see Icarus haha)