Archive - Ask Polly

'What's the Point?'

Underneath this shame, anger, and despair, there's passion. But you have to abandon your protective intellectual narratives and feel your way forward.

10 hrs ago •

Heather Havrilesky

'I Thought It Was Love, But Now I'm Not Sure!'

Obsessively categorizing the past is a way of avoiding the pain of the present and the uncertainty of the future.

Apr 16 •

Heather Havrilesky

What Makes a Person Trustworthy?

Pretending that you have more emotional capacity than you actually have leads to resentment, conflict, and alienation. Embracing love without fear…

Apr 14 •

Heather Havrilesky

'I Want to Leave My Wife!'

You have two small kids, your wife is falling apart, and escape mode is your coping mechanism. Time to slow down and proceed with compassion.

Apr 10 •

Heather Havrilesky

Do You Prioritize Status Over Joy?

Reject the world's twisted values and stand up for what you love the most.

Apr 7 •

Heather Havrilesky

'Why Do I Try to Get Out of Every Plan?'

Your overactive mind is warping your experiences and reshaping your priorities in negative ways.

Apr 1 •

Heather Havrilesky

March 2025

'I've Been Broken Since I Was Ten!'

Keep wiping away this shame and feel the blessings that come with this pain. You're meant to do big things on this planet.

Mar 24 •

Heather Havrilesky

'I Want to Be Less Mean!'

In order to be nicer, you have to embrace your whole self, sharp teeth and all.

Mar 19 •

Heather Havrilesky

FKA Twigs Reads Ask Polly

Some thoughts on the perils of being too nice.

Mar 17 •

Heather Havrilesky

'Our Beautiful Life in the Wilderness is Over. How Can I Do This to My Kids?'

This is an opportunity, not a tragedy.

Mar 12 •

Heather Havrilesky

Cheat Sheet: Scaachi Koul Talks Betrayal

The author of Sucker Punch reflects on the trauma of trying to write a book as her marriage splintered into a million sharp pieces.

Mar 10 •

Heather Havrilesky

'I'm a Drunk and No One Likes Me!'

Strip away the blustery attempts to win attention and love and you’re automatically a lot more interesting.

Mar 7 •

Heather Havrilesky

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